ROAD TRIP

I had a great shoot up by the Canadian border this week – beautiful country. I was offered the opportunity to fly or rent a car…I chose road trip. And boy, am I glad I did – the crew got stuck sleeping at the airport due to weather while I zoomed home through the Catskill Mountains via four wheels and a hefty dose of Starbucks.

I made my usual stops along the way – Target, Costco and various outlet malls, but this road trip I found something new. Coasting along Route 81 slurping a cherry Dairy Queen Mister Misty, I saw a huge billboard that advertised…ADULT OUTLET – TRUCKERS WELCOME. Well, you know I had to check it out.

Located a few blocks off the highway, Adult Outlet was a huge bunker of a buiding surrounded by a gravel pit. A sign on the door read…Everyone Leaves Happy. I swear, I am not making this up.

Once inside, I thought I was at a bear convention – I have never seen so many overweight men in my life. I mean, Louie Anderson would be the thin pretty one here. In the back was a “video room” where men leaving were adjusting their zippers as well as their wedding rings. Amidst all of the married men were dildos, blowup dolls, lube and other assorted sex toys for sale. I wondered as I left…Who buys this stuff on the interstate – and when do they get the chance to use it?

As I was getting into my rental car, a hefty trucker strode up to me:

“You know, you would look mighty fine in a long blonde wig.”

I wasn’t at all shocked by his comment. I mean, it wasn’t the first time I’d been told that – although it’s usually a red wig.

I noticed he was carrying one of those keychains with picture charms – his photos were of a chunky brunette woman and three chubby kids eating Eskimo Pies. I guess he needed a blonde moment – don’t we all?

“You wouldn’t happen to have a wig in the car?”

I told him in an extremely nice way I wasn’t interested and drove off on my journey. The odd thing was, I did have a blonde wig packed in my makeup/hair bag.