I HATE MINNEAPOLIS

Why do people live in Minneapolis?

It baffles me to no end why anyone would choose to live in a place that freezes over for 8 month of the year. I mean, good luck wearing a pair of fab shoes when it's 20 degrees below zero and there are piles and piles of gross brown snow everywhere. Perhaps this is why everyone I meet in the state of Minnesota is fat, tacky, bored, sexless and unhappy.

As I drove around this horrible place snarled with urban sprawl and huge traffic jams, it occured to me that Minneapolis has all of the hassles of a major city - LA, NYC or San Fran - but none of the benefits such as nice weather, good restaurants, cool people or culture.

Again, why do people live here?

SEXUALLY SPEAKING

Recently, I was sitting around with pals at a coffee shop in the East Village talking about sex.

Yes, what else is new.

We were discussing some of the odd lengths we go to to find the perfect orgasm on the ultimate island of lost souls.

Everyone agreed that I had the best story: I travel all the way up to Harlem to have so-so sex with a so-so man because he always plays the most amazing music.

Let me explain:

This man is a DJ with the best collection of early to mid- 1970s black disco - you know, the stuff that Larry Levin played at the infamous Garage on Varick Street. I mean, none of that cheesy pop disco like YMCA or Ring My Bell, this is disco soul with a beat to fuck to. Unfortunately, this man's sex beat is rather boring and predictable, but I get to groove along to some of the best music in the world.

One of my friends commented that I could move on if I just asked him to burn me a few CDs - now that is something worth thinking about.

PISSED OFF

I don't think I made a mistake in Obama, but I sure am pissed off.

Why did Obama choose Pastor Rick Warren to speak at his inauguration?

I mean, this man is against gay rights and spearheaded the campaign to ban gay marriage in California - not to mention that he is a crazy Christan fundamentalist. I thought Obama was against mixing church and state...so why is he courting the fundamentalists?

I don't get it - and I - and many liberals - are pissed off.

THE BIG FAG IN ME

Last night a friend and I did the gayest thing possible - we went and saw Liza Minnelli perform at the legendary Palace Theater on the Great White Way that is broadway.  

The place was packed to the rafters with old fags and old Jews - and Liza put on a hell-of-show. 

 I loved it - it was something that could only happen in New York City.

I also loved being the youngest person in the room.

IS IT JUST ME?

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FOOD PLEASE?

You know, I was on the train today and some fatty was begging for dollars to buy a meal.  I'm sorry, but if you weigh 200 pounds and are sporting new Nike Trainers, I don't think you need my money.  But of course, I saw the fatty make over $5 from my car - who would be that dumb?

MISTER MAKEUP IN HEAVEN

This past week I have been in heaven - I am in St. Maartin working on a wedding - housed in my own private seaside villa.

Check out www.lasamanna.com

40?

I went to a screening of this God awful movie tonight - dreadful. I mean, it's a total copy of "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". And honey, Heather Locklear is no Angela Basset.

And isn't Heather Locklear like 60? It should be called flirting with 60....with Botox.