THE C WORD

Why does the media continue to give Ann "Cunt" Coulter a national platform to air her crazy and hateful views?

Quiet frankly, I don't know what I hate more, her tacky 80's black pumps and cocktail dresses (it's painfully obvious no fag will give her his queer eye) or her evil opinions.

Her recent attacks on John Edwards and his dying wife are just plain despicable.

She is definitely one person I'd love to slug in the face.

SUMMER

Hey bloggers - MM has been lazy with the blog. I have been busy planning my big gay cruise to the Baltic Sea - I leave in mid-July for 2 weeks of fun and debauchery.

I am sailing on the Celebrity Constellation - a 5 star boat - only the best for us homos. I will be visiting Denmark, Estonia, Helsinki, St. Petersburg, Berlin and Stockholm.

I have much to do before I leave - hair color, Botox injections, workouts at the gym etc..it takes plenty of work to be this superficial.

Check back for more trip info. Read more about gay cruises on www.atlantisevents.com

TACO TIME

OK, I broke down and bought a small Pinkberry's yogurt with NO toppings for $4.

Was it worth it?

Hell, no. The yogurt had a sour taste and made my stomach bloat.

But I did find some good eats down the block.

Waiting for me on the corner of 14th street and 8th avenue was a Mexican food truck. Honey, the $2 tacos were heaven on earth and very authentic - corn tortillas loaded with chicken and laced with lime juice, sliced radishes and pickled peppers.

As I gobbled up my taco, I was suddenly surrounded by a group of Mexican hip-hop skateboarders. The hipster kids ordered their tacos and started break dancing while they waited for their eats.

It was 1 AM and I was being entertained by a group of ghetto fabulous Mexican kids while enjoying the best $2 taco in town.

Only in New York, kids.

PINKBERRY'S

Frozen yogurt, that fast food relic from the 80s, has taken Manhattan by storm.

Let me explain:

Los Angeles export Pinkberry’s has opened its doors in the city. The lines are 90 minutes long. I mean, some folks even bring books to read while in queue.

Who’s waiting?

Not the queens, us gays are way too busy and smart for that. No, the line is full of str8 couples with nothing better to do.

I asked a man how long he waited for his small cup of yogurt with several fruit toppings – and what he paid.

The answer: 90 minutes and $8.45 for his frozen treat.

I’m sorry, but I have better things to do with 90 minutes and a $10 bill.

I walked a few blocks to McDonald’s for a chocolate frozen yogurt from the dollar menu.

Verdict?

Fucking delicious.

A MANHATTAN MOMENT

Last weekend, after an all night vodka fest in Queens, my married man and I took the N train back to Manhattan. As luck would have it, the train broke down on Central Park South and Fifth Avenue. Still half in the bag, we decided to walk down Fifth Avenue to my East Village apartment.

But first we need nourishment, so we ducked into a Starbucks and ordered soy lattes and bagels. As we noshed our caffeinated selves down Fifth Avenue, we suddenly discovered ourselves in front of Tiffany’s.

As we held our hot javas and bagels, it dawned on us we were having Breakfast at Tiffany’s ala Holly Golightly. Of course, we weren’t wearing Givenchy shifts or rhinestone tiaras, but we were recreating a moment that put thousands of girls and gay boys on the road to New York City.

I smiled.

It’s moments such as this that keep me in Manhattan.

THE END?

The Sopranos ended it's 10-year run on HBO last night.

As terror and impending doom paced the final moments, the screen suddenly faded to black.

What? My cable went out?

Then the credits started to roll.

At first, I was disappointed, but on second thought....what a brilliant ending. Like life itself, you never know what's around the corner.

I don't think Tony and his family met a "Bonnie and Clyde" style ending. No, I think the Soprano's sat in their booth eating onion rings and listening to Journey.

TRADER JOE'S PLUS ONE

I was caught in the act today.

Let me explain:

I was at Trader Joe's meandering about searching for vodka for my black bitches - my trademark cocktail of choice consisting of vodka and diet coke. Out of the corner of my queer eye, I saw the hottest guy in the world - tall, dark and let's have some. Of course, I checked him out, but when I looked up, I was greeted by a sly smirk on his not-too-pretty girlfriend/wife's face.

What do you do at that moment? I mean, I was clocked. I grabbed my vodka and ran to the cashier. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it was the girlfriend/wife smiling at me. She looked at my budget bottle of vodka and casually mentioned that her boyfriend/husband had some fabulous Russian vodka at his apartment that we could share. The boyfriend/husband was smiling, too. Suddenly, it dawned on me: These two were trolling for threesomes at Trader Joe's.

I'm sorry, I might do eggroll, but I don't do sushi. I mean, a boy has to draw the line somwhere.

THE CHEAP SHOE

Last week I worked on a project with Carolyn Kepcher - you know, the bitchy blonde from Donald Trump's The Apprentice. Well, she was fired by Donald for getting "caught up" in her own fame, so she decided to start a company to help women in the workplace.

Ok, sounds great.

Well, she showed up at the shoot in a thigh-high mini, a sleeveless hot-pink top and stiletto heels. Oh, and she's border line anorexic and bleached blonde. I'm sorry, but I don't think the image of a 14th street hooker is a good role model for working women, right? Last time I checked, dressing like a prostitue isn't welcome in the workplace.

Anyways, I kept looking at her shoes - kinda scuffed and cheap looking. Half-way through the day, obviously in pain, she slipped off her stilettos. I craned my neck and noticed the shoes were by Nine West!

Yes, Nine West - the cheapest shoes in the world.

Does anyone else fiind that odd?

GAS PRICES

In Manhattan, we could care less about the price of gas. I mean, very few of us own cars, and the ones that do are filthy rich, so the price of fuel really isn't an issue.

But what does bother me is the price of coffee.

Last week I was walking around Soho - the capital of euro-trash - when I popped into a funky little joint for an iced coffee to go. I pulled out a five dollar bill - surely that would cover it.

No, the cashier looked me dead in the eye: "That will be $6.25, please."

Now this was not a latte, foamy, extra shot, light, vente mocha bullshit coffee - just a plain iced coffee.

From now on, I'm sticking to my $1.84 plain Starbucks.

MARRIED MEN

I'm seeing a married man - and the sex is incredible. I mean, the man is hot to trot from the time he walks in the door to the time he leaves.

Did I mention the sex is hot?

I can't believe his wife doesn't know her husband is a tad light in the loafers. I mean, he's pumped up like a Chelsea queen, but he has one-thing most gay boys don’t: Body hair – and I love it.

I've had gal pals in the past tell me that wedding rings were an aphrodisiac, but I never believed them.

Well, honey, in this case it's true.

Judge me all you want, but every boy should play the other woman at least once.

ROSIE, I'M GONNA MISS YA

Love her or hate her, you have to admit she had balls - and those balls made good TV.

I mean, unlike everyone else on the boob tube, Rosie - because of her vast wealth - wasn't afraid of shit - and that includes ABC and Barbara Walters.

It's refreshing to hear someone speak his or her views without fear of being fired etc....However, I do think it was rather cowardly of her to quit three weeks early. I mean, it does kinda look like she backed down to Elizabitch.

I'll miss you Rosie.

IDOL CHATTER

OK, here are my thoughts on last night's American Idol finale.

I adored it!

It was so tacky and over-the-top you would have to be an asshole not to like it. I loved the goofy and happy smiles on the Idol kids - it's not often you see so much joy in one place.

Joy or no joy, the show did have a few scary moments.

No more surgery for Smokey Robinson. I'm sorry, but he looked like an Asian puppet. I mean, men should never have their eyes done. Have we learned nothing from the mishaps of Kenny Rogers and Burt Reynolds? On the other side of the scalpel, Miss Gladys Knight took her midnight train last night and looked amazing. I don't know if she's had "work", but if so, the knife is her bestfriend.

I love Kelly Clarkson - what a voice! I mean, even though she's like your tacky cousin from the trailer park who talks with her mouth full, you gotta love her.

But honey, a piece of queer eye advice: get a full-length mirror. I mean, you are way too fat to be squeezed into a skinny mini with thigh-high boots. Honestly, I'm surprised Clive Davis didn't pull her off the stage. Same goes for the bellbottom beer belly-baring outfit she wore with Joe Perry - although she did sound amazing.

And poor Bette Midler - does she have the same stylist as Kelly? I mean, just because it's black, does not make it slimming. I'm sorry, but the Divine Miss M was out of tune and out of place.

I am a big fan of Paula Abdul. She's as loopy as Anna Nicole Smith, but that's her charm. And I don't blame her one iota if she's fucking all the male Idols - I wish I could, too. I love when she stands up and cheers, cries and dances with the performers. Say what you want, Miss Abdul is the only Idol judge to experience a #1 hit; and the only judge to ride the pop rollercoaster first hand.

I can't wait for next year.

PS - Yes, I did see the Rosie/Elizabitch fight. I admire feisty Elizabitch for holding her own, but Rosie was right - Elizabitch never did back up her "friend" when Fox accused Rosie of calling the American troops terrorists. I'm no fan of Muslims, but over 100,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed.... and who killed them?

I think we know the answer.

IS ANYONE SURPRISED?

In a nationwide survery - one of the most exhaustive ever conducted of American Muslim attitudes - found that one out of four - that 26 %!!! - young U.S. Muslims believe suicide bombings against innocent civilians are OK to defend Islam.

The nationwide survey also found widespread doubt that Islamic terrorists carried out the 9/11 attacks.

I've said it before, and I've seen it with my own two eyes, but now I have proof - Muslims are bad news.

IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A STR8 MAN

Life is different in the Midwest.

I have a few questions:

Why do all Midwestern women over the age of 25 have short lesbian-esque haircuts with bad highlights?

And why do all Midwestern women over 25 gain 40 pounds and wear high-waisted pleated “mom’ jeans, or worse yet, “mom” pleated khakis. I mean, I really do pity the str8 men in the Midwest.

I will never forget an Oprah episode about sexless marriages. Up on the stage were obese women complaining about a lack of intimacy in their marriages. Seated next to the fatties were their husbands who complained about the weight gain of their wives. The poor men sat there while Oprah and the other fatties berated the husbands for being unloving and superficial.

What bullshit.

Every woman knows that men like porn and pretty things, so I doubt these men would have dreamed they would be fucking a whale for the rest of their lives. I mean, get real – it’s not that hard to put down the fork, put some makeup on and go for a walk.

You know, it’s hard out there for a str8 man.

THE DEM TICKET

I've said it before and I'm saying it again.

The democratic 2008 ticket is going to be Gore/Obama.

Remember: You read it here first.

MELINDA NO-NECK

Thank Goodness the old lady is gone.

I mean, there is a reason this 29 year-old is a back-up singer - she has no pizazz whatsoever. And after last year's senior citizen winner Taylor Hicks, Idol needs some fresh blood to keep the franchise going.

My vote is for Blake.

CHANGES - MANHATTAN STYLE

I ran into an artist friend today that I had not seen in years. She was decked out in head-to-toe Prada and accessorized with a pale green Marc Jacobs’s handbag and a mouth full of perfect veneers. Needless to say, I was a tad shocked. I mean, the last time I saw her she was running around the East Village in a 70’s thrift store lime green leisure suit with matching platform shoes.

Over coffee she lavished me with photos of her fabulous loft and stories of her trips to Paris. She told me she had married rich and was deliriously happy.

As I sat there sipping my soy latte from a chipped cup in my low-slung jeans, which I had found in my hallway, I couldn’t help but to think how different we now were.

As if reading my mind, she spoke:

“You know, I just got sick of pretending that Goodwill clothes were chic and thrift store knick knacks gave my apartment individuality,” she deadpanned. “I was sick of dressing and living in other people’s lives – I wanted my own life.”

It made sense to me, but as I walked back to my thrift store and garbage can decorated apartment, it got me to thinking….can money buy happiness? I think it can – at least in Manhattan.

HELLO WHOOPI

It was announced that Academy Award winner Whoopi Goldberg will be replacing Rosie O on The View.

I think it's a good choice.

Whoopi is one of the rare performers - along with Barbra Streisand, Rita Moreno and Liza Minnelli - to win the grand slam - Oscar, Emmy, Grammy and Tony. To be the recipient of so many awards and to end up on The View is another blog entirely, but I swear I don't mean that in a bitchy way - OK, maybe I do.

I think Whoopi - no stranger to controversy - will keep The View's political pot - and ratings - boiling with her far left views; and poor preggers Elizabeth will no doubt have her hands full representing the Republican view.

However, Whoopi lacks the one thing that made Rosie so popular: compassion. Say what you will, but folks from both red and blue states loved Rosie. I mean, Rosie's strong opinions were always carefully balanced with her charity for children's causes and her tears for returning vets.

Somehow, I don't think Whoopi will generate the same kind of love from the audience.

BUSH

Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low - 28 percent. I mean, that's 3 out of 4 Americans that despise him - including myself.

The last president to have such low numbers was Carter during the Iran hostage crisis. Carter left office somewhat disgraced, but he went on to a compassionate and remarkable post-president career that resulted in a Nobel Peace prize.

Somehow, I don't think Bush will be as lucky.

A FEW THINGS I HATE

Why do people wait in line at Trader Joe's with one carton of eggs for 30 minutes? I mean, do these people have a life? If I'm going to wait in line, it has to be for stuff that I can't get anywhere else - and I always buy in bulk, so I won't have to come back often.

Why do people who shop and work at health food stores always look so unhealthy and act so grumpy? Sometimes in life a good Big Mac is just what the doctor ordered.

Why do fat women always ride the elevator for one floor? I mean, there is a reason why your ass is so fat.

Why do people talk in movies? I think one should be allowed to carry and use a stun gun in theaters.

Why do people insist on wearing the new skinny jeans when they are far from skinny? Can anyone say full-length mirror? Please, buy one and use it.