OH, PLEASE

How dumb do Republicans think we are?

I mean, if they can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Now the Republicans have hopped on the black bandwagon and appointed Michael Steele as the first black RCN chairman.

I'm all for progressive politics, but this is just a shameless ploy.

FOREVER YOUR GIRL

Last night, I smelled Paula's Abdul's chest.

Let me explain:

I was invited to attend a sassy press event for uber dermatologist Patricia Wexler's new skincare line. The event was held on the Upper East Side - an area I rarely if ever travel to, but free food, free drink and free products won out. Once inside, free cocktail in hand, I started scoping out the celebs....Bernadette Peters in the corner, Diane Sawyer looking at eye cream, but who really caught my eye was Miss Paula Abdul.

Tiny even in sky high Jimmy Choo pumps, Miss Abdul looked amazing - and the only celebrity the cameras and paparazzi were going crazy for. I noticed Paula was carrying a bottle in her hand - she was hawking her new fragrance soon to be sold on Home Shopping Network. I smiled at her and Miss Forever Your Girl waltzed over and made me smell her chest.

That's what I love about living on the island of Manhattan; you can wake up to a mundane day and end up with your nose in Paula Abdul's chest.

THE REAL TRUTH

Here is lady Madonna sans photoshop.

Shocking, isn't it?

COLD IN THE CITY

In my many years on the island of Manhattan, I have never felt such cold.

Oh, sure it's colder in places like Minnesota, but in Manhattan we actually walk in the cold. I am praying for an early spring.

RECESSION??

You know, today I popped into a Starbucks for a quick soy latte and the line was 20 people deep. Excuse me, but I thought we were in a recession. Guess not at Starbucks.

FAITH

I found it odd that Faith Hill sang at one of Obama's balls - I mean, didn't she support old daddy McCain?

But I will give Faith credit - she looked amazing! I mean, she's discovered the power of tox and Juvederm.

ANN IS AT IT AGAIN

I just want to know who buys her books. I mean, she's such a cunt.

SHOPPING

Wow - interest rates are below 5 percent - and prices on Manhattan apartments are dropping. I'm thinking of leaving my rent stabilized East Village nest to see what I can afford in the concrete jungle.

Maybe I will be a grown up after all.

NOW THE OPPOSITE

Now poor Miss Teri Hatcher looks like she needs some work. Feast or famine in Hollywood.

WHAT HAS SHE DONE?

Now we all know that I LOVE me some P.S. - that's plastic surgery. But Miss Lisa Rhinna has just gone overboard with the cheeks and the lips - too much Juvederm is my guess. Girl, lay off the syringe.

TYRANT TRANNY

This past summer, I tried to steal this tranny's man at Nowhere Bar. Of course, I was high as a kite on Black Bitches (vodka and Diet Coke). When she got word of my antics, she shot me a look of death - and I ran like hell from the bar.

What was I thinking?

This is one mean looking bitch.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

I found this online - it's fab!

BACK IN NYC

Thank heaven I am back in the land of the living.

Two weeks in Minneapolis almost turned me into a neutered breeder with a pot belly.

The big trend in freezing Minneapolis is to wear Khaki shorts all winter long. Why? I have no idea - it's just plain tacky.

As I waited for the L train today, a Jamacian man on the platform was strumming his guitar and singing a melody of Beatles' songs. As he launched into "Help", I tossed a dollar in his guitar case and thanked my lucky stars I live in the greatest city on earth.

CRAZY

I just heard on CNN that George Bush Sr. is pushing his son Jeb for president 2012. I mean, it looks to me that old daddy Bush is going senile.

MUSLIM MINNESOTA

Yup, I'm still in Minnesota.

I was driving in Northeast Minneapolis today and came upon a huge group of Muslims protesting Israel's raid on the Gaza Strip. I mean, what idiots.

I learned long ago that you can't talk or rationalize with a Muslim. I mean, watch any news channel and witness Muslim after Muslim condemning Israel for "attacking" them while painting themselves as saints. Excuse me, but if the Muslims would leave Israel alone, all would be fine.

What is Israel supposed to do? Just sit there and let the Muslims bomb the shit out of them? The Muslim population supports Hamas - and Hamas is a terrorist group. If the Muslims wanted peace, they would kick Hamas out of their country.

STILL IN MINNEAPOLIS

A few thoughts.

You know, it seems everyone I meet in Minneapolis is in a coma.

I mean, does anyone have any fun here?

Oh, don't get me wrong, I see plenty of under 25-year-olds having a good time, but God forbid if you are post 25 and want more out of life than screaming kids and Khaki pleated trousers.

What I love about New York City is folks of all ages are hip, trendy and cool.