Thursday, May 31, 2007


I'm seeing a married man - and the sex is incredible. I mean, the man is hot to trot from the time he walks in the door to the time he leaves.

Did I mention the sex is hot?

I can't believe his wife doesn't know her husband is a tad light in the loafers. I mean, he's pumped up like a Chelsea queen, but he has one-thing most gay boys don’t: Body hair – and I love it.

I've had gal pals in the past tell me that wedding rings were an aphrodisiac, but I never believed them.

Well, honey, in this case it's true.

Judge me all you want, but every boy should play the other woman at least once.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


Love her or hate her, you have to admit she had balls - and those balls made good TV.

I mean, unlike everyone else on the boob tube, Rosie - because of her vast wealth - wasn't afraid of shit - and that includes ABC and Barbara Walters.

It's refreshing to hear someone speak his or her views without fear of being fired etc....However, I do think it was rather cowardly of her to quit three weeks early. I mean, it does kinda look like she backed down to Elizabitch.

I'll miss you Rosie.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


OK, here are my thoughts on last night's American Idol finale.

I adored it!

It was so tacky and over-the-top you would have to be an asshole not to like it. I loved the goofy and happy smiles on the Idol kids - it's not often you see so much joy in one place.

Joy or no joy, the show did have a few scary moments.

No more surgery for Smokey Robinson. I'm sorry, but he looked like an Asian puppet. I mean, men should never have their eyes done. Have we learned nothing from the mishaps of Kenny Rogers and Burt Reynolds? On the other side of the scalpel, Miss Gladys Knight took her midnight train last night and looked amazing. I don't know if she's had "work", but if so, the knife is her bestfriend.

I love Kelly Clarkson - what a voice! I mean, even though she's like your tacky cousin from the trailer park who talks with her mouth full, you gotta love her.

But honey, a piece of queer eye advice: get a full-length mirror. I mean, you are way too fat to be squeezed into a skinny mini with thigh-high boots. Honestly, I'm surprised Clive Davis didn't pull her off the stage. Same goes for the bellbottom beer belly-baring outfit she wore with Joe Perry - although she did sound amazing.

And poor Bette Midler - does she have the same stylist as Kelly? I mean, just because it's black, does not make it slimming. I'm sorry, but the Divine Miss M was out of tune and out of place.

I am a big fan of Paula Abdul. She's as loopy as Anna Nicole Smith, but that's her charm. And I don't blame her one iota if she's fucking all the male Idols - I wish I could, too. I love when she stands up and cheers, cries and dances with the performers. Say what you want, Miss Abdul is the only Idol judge to experience a #1 hit; and the only judge to ride the pop rollercoaster first hand.

I can't wait for next year.

PS - Yes, I did see the Rosie/Elizabitch fight. I admire feisty Elizabitch for holding her own, but Rosie was right - Elizabitch never did back up her "friend" when Fox accused Rosie of calling the American troops terrorists. I'm no fan of Muslims, but over 100,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed.... and who killed them?

I think we know the answer.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


In a nationwide survery - one of the most exhaustive ever conducted of American Muslim attitudes - found that one out of four - that 26 %!!! - young U.S. Muslims believe suicide bombings against innocent civilians are OK to defend Islam.

The nationwide survey also found widespread doubt that Islamic terrorists carried out the 9/11 attacks.

I've said it before, and I've seen it with my own two eyes, but now I have proof - Muslims are bad news.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Life is different in the Midwest.

I have a few questions:

Why do all Midwestern women over the age of 25 have short lesbian-esque haircuts with bad highlights?

And why do all Midwestern women over 25 gain 40 pounds and wear high-waisted pleated “mom’ jeans, or worse yet, “mom” pleated khakis. I mean, I really do pity the str8 men in the Midwest.

I will never forget an Oprah episode about sexless marriages. Up on the stage were obese women complaining about a lack of intimacy in their marriages. Seated next to the fatties were their husbands who complained about the weight gain of their wives. The poor men sat there while Oprah and the other fatties berated the husbands for being unloving and superficial.

What bullshit.

Every woman knows that men like porn and pretty things, so I doubt these men would have dreamed they would be fucking a whale for the rest of their lives. I mean, get real – it’s not that hard to put down the fork, put some makeup on and go for a walk.

You know, it’s hard out there for a str8 man.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


I've said it before and I'm saying it again.

The democratic 2008 ticket is going to be Gore/Obama.

Remember: You read it here first.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Thank Goodness the old lady is gone.

I mean, there is a reason this 29 year-old is a back-up singer - she has no pizazz whatsoever. And after last year's senior citizen winner Taylor Hicks, Idol needs some fresh blood to keep the franchise going.

My vote is for Blake.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


I ran into an artist friend today that I had not seen in years. She was decked out in head-to-toe Prada and accessorized with a pale green Marc Jacobs’s handbag and a mouth full of perfect veneers. Needless to say, I was a tad shocked. I mean, the last time I saw her she was running around the East Village in a 70’s thrift store lime green leisure suit with matching platform shoes.

Over coffee she lavished me with photos of her fabulous loft and stories of her trips to Paris. She told me she had married rich and was deliriously happy.

As I sat there sipping my soy latte from a chipped cup in my low-slung jeans, which I had found in my hallway, I couldn’t help but to think how different we now were.

As if reading my mind, she spoke:

“You know, I just got sick of pretending that Goodwill clothes were chic and thrift store knick knacks gave my apartment individuality,” she deadpanned. “I was sick of dressing and living in other people’s lives – I wanted my own life.”

It made sense to me, but as I walked back to my thrift store and garbage can decorated apartment, it got me to thinking….can money buy happiness? I think it can – at least in Manhattan.

Friday, May 11, 2007


It was announced that Academy Award winner Whoopi Goldberg will be replacing Rosie O on The View.

I think it's a good choice.

Whoopi is one of the rare performers - along with Barbra Streisand, Rita Moreno and Liza Minnelli - to win the grand slam - Oscar, Emmy, Grammy and Tony. To be the recipient of so many awards and to end up on The View is another blog entirely, but I swear I don't mean that in a bitchy way - OK, maybe I do.

I think Whoopi - no stranger to controversy - will keep The View's political pot - and ratings - boiling with her far left views; and poor preggers Elizabeth will no doubt have her hands full representing the Republican view.

However, Whoopi lacks the one thing that made Rosie so popular: compassion. Say what you will, but folks from both red and blue states loved Rosie. I mean, Rosie's strong opinions were always carefully balanced with her charity for children's causes and her tears for returning vets.

Somehow, I don't think Whoopi will generate the same kind of love from the audience.

Monday, May 07, 2007


Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low - 28 percent. I mean, that's 3 out of 4 Americans that despise him - including myself.

The last president to have such low numbers was Carter during the Iran hostage crisis. Carter left office somewhat disgraced, but he went on to a compassionate and remarkable post-president career that resulted in a Nobel Peace prize.

Somehow, I don't think Bush will be as lucky.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Why do people wait in line at Trader Joe's with one carton of eggs for 30 minutes? I mean, do these people have a life? If I'm going to wait in line, it has to be for stuff that I can't get anywhere else - and I always buy in bulk, so I won't have to come back often.

Why do people who shop and work at health food stores always look so unhealthy and act so grumpy? Sometimes in life a good Big Mac is just what the doctor ordered.

Why do fat women always ride the elevator for one floor? I mean, there is a reason why your ass is so fat.

Why do people talk in movies? I think one should be allowed to carry and use a stun gun in theaters.

Why do people insist on wearing the new skinny jeans when they are far from skinny? Can anyone say full-length mirror? Please, buy one and use it.