SHOCKED

I admit it - I love the New York Post.

Even though the daily tabloid is full of extreme right-wing bullshit, the gossip pages are the best in the city. I mean, what New Yorker doesn't read Page Six or Cindy Adams or Liz Smith.

Now word is out that due to cost cutting, the Post has fired 86-year-old LIz Smith! I'm shocked, Miss Liz has been a staple in New York print for over 40 years.

Damn, I hate this economy.

I LOVE KATIE COURIC

You know, I've come to love Miss Katie Couric.

Watching her the other night cover the Obama State of the Union event, I was struck by her grace, charm and wit.

Okay, I admit, I never really cared much for her on The Today Show, but as the years wore on, she got better - and more feisty.

I mean, her "take no prisoners" battles with Ann Cuntler are legendary.

And let's not forget it was Katie who single handily derailed the speeding train that was Sarah Palin. After the Republican Convention love fest, the nation was in awe of the little Governor that could. Leave it to Katie with her calm blond charm to reveal what an idiot Palin was.

For that alone, I will always love her.

STRANGE STORIES

MM is back - I've been swamped with work - and I caught a nasty cold flying to the armpit of America - Huntsville, Alabama. I mean, I have never seen so many fatties in my life, so I was not shocked to learn that Alabama is the obese capital of the USA. I swear, I could not find a vegetable my entire trip - just platters of greasy ribs served on plastic plates with potato chips. It's no wonder I am sick.

On the plane back to Manhattan, I read in USA Today the most fascinating story. A teenage Wisconsin boy posing as a hot chick tricked numerous high school jock classmates via Facebook into sending him nude photos of themselves. With the threat of showing the nude photos at school, the crafty boy blackmailed the jocks into having sex with him. According to police reports, the boy had sex with 32 jocks in the school library, gym and parking lot.

I wish I had Facebook while I was high school.

DESPERATE

I am shocked.

Edie Brit is being killed off on Desperate Housewives.

I mean, Nicolette Sheridan's Edie is the best thing on the show. Granted, she's always been a minor character, but her bitchy put-downs and sassy expressions made for fine television.

I will miss her.

PISSED OFF

Why is it so fucking hard to talk to a human being when calling a company?

I mean, after endless prompts and hang ups and call backs and a final 30 minute wait you finally get some foreign fuck in India who can barely speak English.

Fucked up! And we wonder why the economy is in a shambles.

LOVE THIS PHOTO

ONLY IN MMANHATTAN

I found this kooky ad on craigslist.

Transmale master seeking slave with a car and skills

Reply to: pers-1032670066@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-02-12, 10:32PM EST


Seeking slave who is presentable and is seeking to assist master a few times a week with his massage, foot works, errands and other needs master may develop. You will accompany me and drive me and generally carry out my orders and wishes.
Only subhuman and lowly slaves need apply.
Must be able to bring monetary offering to master at all times or forget it.

DON'T MESS WITH MOMMIE DEAREST

You probably already heard that Miss Faye Dunaway is totally pissed that pop tart Hillary Duff is going to reprise her star turning role in 1967's classic "Bonnie and Clyde." I think she said..."Couldn't they at least find a real actress?"

I couldn't agree more.

"Bonnie and Clyde" is an amazing film - Oscar wins and nods for all involved. I mean, if it ain't broke, don't fix it - and certainly don't fix it with to-talent Hillary Duff.

And to add insult to injury, Miss Duff tried to get catty with Mommie Dearest by saying..."Most of my fans don't even know who she is...and if Iooked like her, I might be mad, too."

Ouch.

And for the record, Miss Dunaway is 68, and although she looks a tad pulled, I still think she looks amazing.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

I have always HATED Sarah Palin, but this recent bit of news is frightening. I understand that perhaps the wolf population needs to be controlled, but isn't there a more humane way to kill these animals?

I'M SORRY, SHE'S FAT

OH, PLEASE

How dumb do Republicans think we are?

I mean, if they can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Now the Republicans have hopped on the black bandwagon and appointed Michael Steele as the first black RCN chairman.

I'm all for progressive politics, but this is just a shameless ploy.

FOREVER YOUR GIRL

Last night, I smelled Paula's Abdul's chest.

Let me explain:

I was invited to attend a sassy press event for uber dermatologist Patricia Wexler's new skincare line. The event was held on the Upper East Side - an area I rarely if ever travel to, but free food, free drink and free products won out. Once inside, free cocktail in hand, I started scoping out the celebs....Bernadette Peters in the corner, Diane Sawyer looking at eye cream, but who really caught my eye was Miss Paula Abdul.

Tiny even in sky high Jimmy Choo pumps, Miss Abdul looked amazing - and the only celebrity the cameras and paparazzi were going crazy for. I noticed Paula was carrying a bottle in her hand - she was hawking her new fragrance soon to be sold on Home Shopping Network. I smiled at her and Miss Forever Your Girl waltzed over and made me smell her chest.

That's what I love about living on the island of Manhattan; you can wake up to a mundane day and end up with your nose in Paula Abdul's chest.

THE REAL TRUTH

Here is lady Madonna sans photoshop.

Shocking, isn't it?

COLD IN THE CITY

In my many years on the island of Manhattan, I have never felt such cold.

Oh, sure it's colder in places like Minnesota, but in Manhattan we actually walk in the cold. I am praying for an early spring.

RECESSION??

You know, today I popped into a Starbucks for a quick soy latte and the line was 20 people deep. Excuse me, but I thought we were in a recession. Guess not at Starbucks.

FAITH

I found it odd that Faith Hill sang at one of Obama's balls - I mean, didn't she support old daddy McCain?

But I will give Faith credit - she looked amazing! I mean, she's discovered the power of tox and Juvederm.

ANN IS AT IT AGAIN

I just want to know who buys her books. I mean, she's such a cunt.

SHOPPING

Wow - interest rates are below 5 percent - and prices on Manhattan apartments are dropping. I'm thinking of leaving my rent stabilized East Village nest to see what I can afford in the concrete jungle.

Maybe I will be a grown up after all.

NOW THE OPPOSITE

Now poor Miss Teri Hatcher looks like she needs some work. Feast or famine in Hollywood.

WHAT HAS SHE DONE?

Now we all know that I LOVE me some P.S. - that's plastic surgery. But Miss Lisa Rhinna has just gone overboard with the cheeks and the lips - too much Juvederm is my guess. Girl, lay off the syringe.