SWIFT BOATING

We must stop the insane Republicans from "Swift Boating" Obama's health care plans.

The Republicans are smart - they know the American people can be easily mislead - and if the public hear something over and over like "death panels" and "higher taxes" they start to believe it.

I mean, the "Swift Boat" attacks against John Kerry won the election for Bush. In retrospect, I can't believe that anyone would be dumb enough to believe the lies about Kerry's war service. I mean, especially when Bush and Cheney went AWOL or came up with excuses not to go to Vietnam. In fact, it's down right unpatriotic to lie and scheme against a war hero - but that's what Republicans do best - lie and scheme to get their way.

We must stop them.

I LOVE THIS 80S VIDEO

TROUBLE HATCHER

Good Lord - all this nastiness on Miss Terri Hatcher!

I must admit that while on my big gay cruise last summer we had for our entertainment one night that Asian queen who plays the fag to Eva's hag - and he said..."Does anyone want to hear about Desperate Housewives?"

Of course, the queens hooted YES.

He said: I have two words for you - TROUBLE HATCHER!

SURPRISED?

Is anyone surprised that Bush used terror alerts to beat John Kerry in 2004?

I mean, in Tom Ridge's new book he states that with Kerry gaining in the polls, Bush begged him to issue terror alerts to help him when the election - and we all know, when the people are scared, they vote for the man in office.

You know, back in 2004 I knew in my heart Bush was up to no-good with those fake terror alerts pre-election.

George W. Bush = evil man.

LET ME TELL YOU

Let me tell you, it was so much cheaper to rent.

I now totally understand the Tom Hanks' film "The Money Pit".

I want a new kitchen.

I want a new bathroom.

Had to get a new flat screen.

Had to get new dressers and closets.

The old ceiling fans were gross - had to get new ones.

Thanks goodness the blond wood floors are superb.

BIKES

Why is it a person would run like hell from a oncoming car, but walk right in front of an oncoming bike?

I don't get it

Time and time again when I am tooling about Manhattan on my girl's (no one steals girl's bikes) mountain bike, strollers just step right into my path. The other day some dumb yuppie lady pushed her baby carriage against the red light and right in front of me. I mean, I was going 30 plus miles per hour, so I had to slam on the brakes.

I said..."You stupid bitch, you have a baby to care for - I could have killed it."

My baby is not an "it", she screamed.

"The way you care for "it" it is," I pushed back.

Why are people so stupid?

SAYING GOODBYE

I am so happy to be in my new sunny two-bedroom.

However, I've learned you can't move forward unless you leave a little something behind.

Let me explain:

I walked by my former apartment today and discovered the belongings that I had left behind out on the street with the trash bags.

Sitting in the rain amongst the rusty toaster oven and my leaky 10-gallon fish tank was the mid-century red couch my parents had bought on Lake Street the first year they were married - I left it behind because it was infested with bed bugs.

Seeing my old life on the street made me a little weepy - but in a good way.

NEW HOUSE

Well, after five months, I finally closed on my two-bedroom coop in the East Village.

Let me tell you, it's not easy buying real estate in this economy. Yes, the deals are sweet, but the process of getting there isn't easy - not one bit, Missy.

I first bid on my new place in February, signed the contract in March, and finally closed the deal last week. Every day was a new drama and more paperwork - and yet more paperwork - I had a folder with over 400 documents.

More details on the road to real estate will follow.

HMMMM....

I wonder what this bitch has up her sleeve?

Sarah "I can see Russian from my front door" Palin has announced that she is stepping down as Governor of Alaska.

I hope she's gone for good, but my bet is this crazy bitch is gunning for a run for the Oval Office in 2012.

MISTER MAKEUP

Hey Y'all - Read the new Mister Makeup column at www.celebrityeverything.com

Summer Beauty Tips.

LIZA HAS IT RIGHT!!

"When the autopsy comes, all hell's going to break loose, so thank God we're celebrating him now," Liza Minnelli told CBS' "The Early Show" by telephone.

THE PROBLEM AS I SEE IT

Michael and Farrah - who is going to get the cover of People next week?

That is the real question.

UPTOWN GIRLS

I witnessed the walking dead today.

Let me explain:

I seldom venture above 14th street. Oh, I might occasionally sashay up to 23rd street, but that's it - any further and I need a Valium. Well, today I broke the rules. Seduced with the promise of a swag bag, I traveled to an event at the swanky Henri Bendal store on 57th Street and Fifth Avenue - right across the street from Trump Towers. The event in question was the launch of a skin care line by uber dermatologist to the stars Patricia Wexler.

Now I don't mean to be rude, but this Wexler woman is down right scary looking. I mean, the lady is so thin - but her face is pumped full of filler - that with her orange hair she resembles a pumpkin on a stick. Just looking at her scared me - her tiny wrinkled body with that fat artificial face was horrifying. I mean, this woman could scare small children as well as adults.

But the scariest part of the event was that most of the women at the event looked just like her.

I think Truman Capote summed up these women best - walking social x-rays.

FROM PEREZ

I READ THIS ON PEREZHILTON.COM - IT'S GREAT!

Sarah Palin is sure milking this recent thrust into the damn liberal media for all it's worth. We were just getting used to not hearing from this dummy, and then this mess had to happen.

Palin is making the rounds to all the media outlets who want her to talk about the recent feud between herself and David Letterman. Even though David has apologized for any ill-will, Palin isn't accepting it and continues to rant on and on and on.

She will be appearing on CNN's The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer today, where she will tell ol' Wolfie that she thinks David's jokes were "you know, pretty perverted."

She continues to vent saying:

"But it goes beyond that. Not just that joke, but this insinuation that it's OK, it's acceptable to talk like that, and then that it's acceptable for the media to not provide the American public, the listeners, the readers, the full context of that joke. Letterman says, now, hey, I wasn't talking about her 14-year old. David, my 14-year-old was there with me at the game. She was the only one there with me. It wasn't my older daughter, who's in college and taking care of her young family. It was my 14-year-old."

We repeat: Get over it! Lighten up! And for goodness sake, go back to Alaska!

We think we can hear some moose you haven't shot at yet!

REALLY?

Does anyone really believe Fergie is only in her early 30's?

WORDS TO LIVE BY

I fly frequently - and I love these tips from flight attendants. I mean, I could have wrote them myself. Copy and paste to your browser:

http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-28078669;_ylc=X3oDMTF2YWJnM21wBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjcxOTQ4MQRzZWMDZnAtdG9kYXltb2QEc2xrA2Fubm95YXR0ZW5kYW50LTYtMi0wOQ--

THE BITCH IS OUT!!!!!

Donald Trump ousts Prejean as Miss California!

I love that headline.  I guess "the Donald" has come to his senses and gave the bigot the boot.

MANHATTAN MOMENTS

You find the most interesting things walking the humble streets of Manhattan.

Let me explain:

The other day I was running out to get my daily infusion of soy latte when I noticed a homeless man perched over a newspaper.  On closer inspection, he was doing the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle - in pen!

Only in New York City.

YUP

Well, it's now official: Adam Lambart has come out of the closet.  Bravo to him for being a role model to young queens everywhere.

HOUSING

I have been out of commission.

Let me explain:

I have been in the process of buying a coop in Manhattan - just a few blocks from my current rent stabilized  apartment in the East Village.  Needless to say, it's a buyer's market - lots of deals.  

I will keep you posted.