Tuesday, December 11, 2007

LOOKING FOR MR. GAYBAR

It's a colder than normal in Manhattan. I mean, it's mittens and scarf weather. I had just come from a painfully dull straight person party - all wrinkly faces and bad clothing choices. I couldn't wait to leave. Once home, with the cold winds blowing against my cheap rent stabilized windows, I began to feel lonely - and horny.

It was too cold to go out looking for love, so I turned to the Internet; and within minutes, I had found a trick.

The man that showed up at my door was beautiful, but when he opened his mouth, Fran "The Nanny" Dreiser came dancing out.

"I'm just a queen from Queens," he laughed in a nasal voice when I inquired his origins.

OK, I strategized as I looked at his muscles and cute dimples, let's get this over with as quick as possible and with little or no talking. With my mouth clamped over his, I led him into the bedroom. Once undressed, his Internet pictures did not lie - his body was rock hard with a bubbled ass and a dick that was both gargantuan and beautifully shaped.

Things were going as scheduled until he questioned the music in the background.

"Is that Dusty Springfield," he squeeled.

"Yes," I said running my hand over his lips trying to get him back into the moment.

"I have her greatest hits," he said. "But she isn't one of my big three - Cher, Elton and Whitney. Oh, I just love those three. I used to love Barbra Streisand, but she didn't answer the fan letter I wrote to her last year."

OK, the sex was over. I had now discovered the piece of the puzzle to this beautiful man's singlehood.

He then went on and on about his love of all things Bette, Celine and even Reba.

I couldn't get rid of him fast enough.

I mean, it's fine to be a big queen, but for the love of God, please butch it up a bit for an Internet hookup.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why didn't you stick your dick in his mouth to shut him up?The MM I know would have made sure the job meet his full expectations.

yougnomeme said...

Sounds (w)hor(e)rifying.

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

Honey, ole MM put anything he could in his mouth to shut him up - in the end, nothing worked.

Anonymous said...

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love first post.

Stick your dick in his mouth. Great!

BERTHA FROM VEGAS said...

darlin, you need a trip to vegas to get a real man!

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

Bertha - I have missed you!!! Where have you been keeping yourself and your witty comments?