Ok, dear readers, here is the final chapter of Glamour?? (If you are new to the site, scroll down to read Glamour?? Part 1 before reading this installment.)
We arrived at Kate’s Lazy Meadow Motel (www.lazymeadow.com) at around 3 pm and immediately started working. Bulldog shoved me into a tiny room and instructed me to start “touching up” the models. For the next three hours, I covered zit after zit and flat ironed one frizzy mop after the next until I was ready to drop. All the while, Bulldog kept screaming at me to hurry up. When I asked if we were going to be given something to eat, Bulldog growled, “You will be fed later.” When I asked for a beverage, she told me to drink from the hose next to the cabins. I can laugh now, but as famed author Jackie Collins says, truth is stranger than fiction.
My spirits picked up when Kate arrived in a cute yellow Volkswagen bug. I ran from the makeup room wielding my camera screaming, Kate, Kate, Kate – I love you, Kate. She looked at me like I was a stalker – and in all the pics of us together, her blue eyes look very frightened.
When a photographer asked Kate if she wanted pictures from the motel shoot, she glanced at our “ma and pa kettle” love shack photo shoot and shook her head no. After 30 minutes, Kate got back in her bug and never returned.
We kept shooting and shooting until 8 pm and still no food or drink. Finally, Bulldog and her cohorts set up a huge Mexican buffet on the picnic tables.
“You can eat in two hours,” Bulldog yelled as flies and other various insects descended on the food.
When we finally wrapped for the night at 12:30 am – that’s almost 15 hours of work - Bulldog instructed me I was to bunk in the makeup room. I looked at the filthy room littered with trash from 10 models and exploded at Bulldog.
“I am not sleeping in this room!”
Bulldog gave me an evil look, but relented –a dyke is no match for an angry queen.
We drove to a rather fancy hotel and I was given a gorgeous duplex suite with a hot tub – too bad I couldn’t enjoy it.
At 8:45 am I staggered into the hotel’s restaurant and joined the other models for breakfast. As the waiters were bringing our bacon and eggs, Bulldog came storming into the restaurant and ordered everyone onto the vans.
“I don’t care if you people have not eaten. I told all of you to be ready at 9 am.”
Some of the younger models started to cry. I refused to move and bellowed in a loud dramatic voice:
“I’m not leaving until I finish my breakfast.”
Bulldog hustled the starving models onto the vans and drove off. In 10 minutes she was back - and I could tell she was mad.
“I don’t like your attitude.”
“Well,” I said as I fixed my lip liner. “I don’t like looking at your face.”
We drove back to Kate’s in silence.
At 12 noon, Bulldog announced that lunch was served. As I walked to the lunch cabin, I joked to the models that Bulldog was going to serve us the Mexican leftovers from the previous night. We laughed, but sure enough, sitting on the tables were the soggy insect ridden leftovers.
I went outside to find Bulldog. I found her in the van with her cohorts eating freshly bought hamburgers, salads and fries! I called her every politically incorrect name in the book. She sat there stone-faced and handed me a hamburger.
Yes, I’m not proud of myself, but I took the hamburger as I watched the models eating the soggy bean burritos. What can I say? I was so hungry I would have taken a fresh falafah from Bin Laden.
The rest of the shoot was a blur – all I remember is getting back into the city at 12 midnight. I was so exhausted and starved I could barely get out of the van.
As my feet touched 23rd street, I fell to my knees and kissed the Manhattan pavement.
So you see, my dear readers, life isn’t always pretty in the land of powder and paint.