Friday, January 19, 2007

TRUE LOVE

After a recent conversation with a group of friends, I was shocked and saddened to learn how few of them have ever been in love. You know, a person who makes you feel like you’re tripping over the rainbow; a person who gives you goose bumps when you know he or she is coming over. I'm talking real love, baby.

I think I’ve been in love three times.

The first man that made my heart jump was named Chris. We met at his father’s pizza joint where we both worked as waiters. He had blonde curly hair; a gymnast’s body and a sly smirk that made me forgive him anything. He sang in a punk band and I was his number one front row groupie at every dive he played. He drove a beat-up MG and sang me songs late into the night. He left me for a girl with huge boobs and platinum hair. I cried for three weeks. Years later, I ran into him and we didn’t even recognize each other.

Years went by before my next love. His name was Pete and he had a missing tooth and drove a taxi. We met on a phone sex line and his deep voice had me at hello. I used to sneak him into my parent’s basement after they had gone to sleep. He wasn’t exactly handsome, but it was the best sex I ever had. He left me for an underage Eskimo. He still lives in the same apartment and I have no idea what he is doing.

The third I will write about later.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Who the Fuck hasn't been in love. I've been knocked up twice (got rid of them both). Of course both these "men" claimed to love me, but when they found out I was in trouble....Away they went! And it was up to me to get rid of the kid. One time I was so broke that I had to do it myself...and I thinks thats why I havent been able to have any more kids. But despite my hard knock Vegas life. I manage to smile...Try in MM.

Anonymous said...

You know I was wondering why you were so judgemental of other people! But now Im beginning to understand. You have lead a very sad life.....If you want sympathy youv'e got mine! Have you tryed an anti-depressant? I hear some really work wonders on unhappy souls!

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

Could you recommend a good anti-depressant - us unhappy souls need to know!!

Anonymous said...

You know its Bertha and I have to say, my father (who also knocked me up when I was 13! Top that one MM) told me I had a face only a mother could love. Somehow by the looks of you...I think that phrase applies to you as well....Lets face it-Bertha is alone...and I gets the feeling MM is alone too! Ever thought about relocating to Vegas?

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

Is that a marriage proposal, Bertha? I demand a huge ring and a fabulous gown - you know how superficial I am.

Anonymous said...

I've been married once and that was enough! Faith Hill (the Country Star) was at the Casino where I work and I couldn't help but wonder if that expression she made on the CMA's was a joke or not. By the looks of her, well lets just say, Im a tough cookie but I wouldnt want to mess with Faith. Her reaction seemed real to me. So tell me, my favorite Fag, whats your take on it? Was she mad that that American Idol girl won?

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

That Faith Hill is a bitch - you can tell by looking at her. I mean, she's getting dicked by a hot guy and still a bitch.

Claudia said...

:-( I've never been in love.

THE ORAL REPORTER said...

Miss Claudia - You will, you will...

Anonymous said...

Oh ya I remember Chris...he was so HOT......Julie