Wednesday, April 30, 2008
ANGELS AND KINGS
It's no secret that I love Ashlee Simpson - she's the ultimate ugly duckling success story.
I mean, she grew up in the shadow of busty blond big sister Jessica - and that couldn't have been easy for a girl with little talent, no tits and a big nose. However, with the help of a doctor's scalpel, she has transformed herself into a surgerized swan - and nabbed a rock star boyfriend.
Call me crazy, but I rocked out to her first album. Yes, I realize it was overproduced bullshit, but somehow I connected to her overproduced teenage angst - probably because I have so much of my own.
As luck would have it, Ashlee and her rock star fiance (Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy) have opened a bar named Angels and Kings located just steps from my apartment in the East Village. Ashlee and Pete are attempting to fashion it into a grungy version of the super chic Beatrice Inn. I've made it past the velvet ropes several times, but Ashlee was always surrounded by people - until last night.
Let me explain:
It was just after midnight when I saw my idol perched all by her lonesome on a bar stool. Her eyes were lined in heavy black makeup and I think (I hope) she was DJing because she was wearing "cans" over her red extensions.
I couldn't let this moment go by.
I casually bumped into my idol as I elbowed my way to the bar to order my $20 Black Bitch.
She looked at me and smiled.
OK, this was my moment - try to be cool.
"The music is great tonight - who is this song by?"
"New mix by Madonna - here, have some drink tickets for your Black Bitches - what is a Black Bitch?"
"Vodka and Coke -Diet Coke if I'm feeling fat."
She laughed and handed me the tickets. She adjusted her "cans" and wandered into the crowd.
I had to catch my breath, but I had to be cool or the ever present security would label me a stalker.
The rest of the night was a blur.
I plan on going back every chance I get.
Posted by THE ORAL REPORTER at 10:59 PM