Sunday, February 19, 2006

SEX AND THE CITY MINUS MISS PARKER

Wow can the weather change. In seven days, NYC has had 27 inches of snow, 62-degree sunshine that melted the snow, and then freezing 10-degree weather – crazy. I have been so busy with work that I don’t have much to talk about.

My friend from Milwaukee recently posted on her blog the many, many dates that turned sour. Well, I thought about my own sexcapades in the city and I, too, have a few cherry pits of my own to spit out.

Here goes: I will never forget the odd man from Queens who after meeting me for 20 minutes in a "shady" area of the infamous bar on 12th and Avenue A professed his love and asked me to travel across the country with him via motor home.

Another gem said he was str8 and claimed to work for the New York Yankees. Sounds good, right? Well, he turned out to sell women's shoes at Barney's and hidden under his Yankee's cap was a full head of highlights.

Yet another man I met on the internet somehow tracked down my cell phone number and address - take note internet sluts - and started calling me 20 times a day and finally announced he would arrive at my apartment that evening. Horrified, I sat at my coffee house sipping my usual soy latte with two Splendas and telling my tale of woe to my friends. Suddenly my cell rang and it was my internet stalker calling yet again. My buddy grabbed the phone and said he would handle it. He lit into the guy saying I was his boyfriend and how dare he call or even think about showing up at the apartment. My stalker apologized to my pretend boyfriend and I thought all was well. The next day a Federal Express package showed up at my apartment addressed to my "boyfriend" containing copies of our internet correspondence.

And finally, how could I forget the 250-pound man who seemed nice until he started telling me how much he loved the movie, "The Real Thing." I nodded in agreement. He then let it slip he saw it 86 times. Hmmmmm...I thought he was a tad odd when he told me he could predict the future with ice cubes, but I just thought he was colorful - and you know how I collect "colorful" people. Well, he said he tracked the star of the film to Oxford in England where he was attending school. My chubby pal proceeded to fly across the pond to the campus and stalked the actor for 2 weeks until he spotted him outside his dorm. Startled, and racking my brain for any recent celebrity murder, I asked what happened next. It turns out he said hello to the actor and flew back to NYC that evening. He must have noticed my surprise and said with a straight face, "What did you think I would do? I just wanted to say hello. I'm not crazy or anything."

5 comments:

riftgirl said...

Holy crap, darling, your stories rival and even surpass some of mine. At least you never wound up with a comforter full of pee - at least you never told me otherwise. :-)

Meg said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Meg said...

Hi there. Just "surfed" onto your blog from my blog just down the internet highway at theseattle3.blogspot.com. I enjoyed this post. It reminded me of me of years ago when I wanted to move to NYC and live the life of Carrie Bradshaw. But, alas, I have redirected my journey to the other side of the country. I feel your pain in regard to the snow. Our snowfall here in Wisconsin this past week broke some records...or so I hear. I'm sure I'll be checking your blog out again, so keep telling you tales. Feel free to check out my blog if you like. WARNING: My fellow bloggers and I seem to have a touch of ADD!

Midlerized ! said...

Mistermakeup,

I was just wondering through the world of blogs and stopped to read a few of your tales.

Great reading and keep your head up about the snow...Spring is just around the corner!

Keep up the site, I'll check back.

junebug said...

That's a good story there, mister...scary, but fun.