Monday, March 27, 2006


Why do smart women make stupid choices when it comes to men?

My best gal pal from high school regularly trades in her 9 to 5 YSL skirts for black catsuits to stalk her married lover. Yes, she makes regular midnight runs to his house and slinks around his backyard peering into his windows. Why? She is convinced he is not only canoodling with his wife, but also the divorcee across the street. I accompanied her on one of these missions – yes, I too, apparently have no life. Outside of his house, I inquired about her knowledge of his philandering ways, she replied:

“See that big lawn sign over there.”

“You mean the “Say No to War in Iraq” sign.

“Yes, I was hiding behind it one night when I heard them going at it.”

I sat there wide-eyed. I didn’t know what was more shocking, a grown woman hiding behind a lawn sign in the middle of the night or a “No War” sign in a wealthy republican neighborhood.

Her stalking went on for several months until the police came knocking on her door. Apparently, someone had broken into the man’s house and cut the heart and crotch out of his designer suits. I asked her over morning lattes if she had indeed did the deed. She looked me dead in the eye and laughed sarcastically…”What do you think?” I couldn’t tell if that was a yes or a no.

Several months passed and she was still seeing him. I didn’t ask any questions. But when I stopped at her house, the answer was right there in plain sight – sitting in her laundry basket was a freshly laundered catsuit awaiting its next midnight mission.


MissK said...

Your friend needs help. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

Darn... I thought I was you best gal pal from high school. But, through process of elimination, I'm certain I know of whom you speak. I agree with missk. Your friend needs help. Why don't you slap some sense into her?

Aron said...

This is one of your best entries! I love it, but was the cat suit thrown in for literal pleasure? It seems to good to be true.....come check out my blog at

junebug said...

And this is why I think you should be a columnist!

Aron said...

GOD I LOVE CATSUITS! so i just love this entry! its so much fun! dear i love it! i think you should use one of the many Tschida stories for one of your entries....not THAT would make good copy...and you and i know it...or what about bird! dear i think the time he returned in only his boots from club usa deserves an entry!