DON'T MESS WITH MOMMIE DEAREST

You probably already heard that Miss Faye Dunaway is totally pissed that pop tart Hillary Duff is going to reprise her star turning role in 1967's classic "Bonnie and Clyde." I think she said..."Couldn't they at least find a real actress?"

I couldn't agree more.

"Bonnie and Clyde" is an amazing film - Oscar wins and nods for all involved. I mean, if it ain't broke, don't fix it - and certainly don't fix it with to-talent Hillary Duff.

And to add insult to injury, Miss Duff tried to get catty with Mommie Dearest by saying..."Most of my fans don't even know who she is...and if Iooked like her, I might be mad, too."

Ouch.

And for the record, Miss Dunaway is 68, and although she looks a tad pulled, I still think she looks amazing.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

I have always HATED Sarah Palin, but this recent bit of news is frightening. I understand that perhaps the wolf population needs to be controlled, but isn't there a more humane way to kill these animals?

I'M SORRY, SHE'S FAT

OH, PLEASE

How dumb do Republicans think we are?

I mean, if they can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Now the Republicans have hopped on the black bandwagon and appointed Michael Steele as the first black RCN chairman.

I'm all for progressive politics, but this is just a shameless ploy.

FOREVER YOUR GIRL

Last night, I smelled Paula's Abdul's chest.

Let me explain:

I was invited to attend a sassy press event for uber dermatologist Patricia Wexler's new skincare line. The event was held on the Upper East Side - an area I rarely if ever travel to, but free food, free drink and free products won out. Once inside, free cocktail in hand, I started scoping out the celebs....Bernadette Peters in the corner, Diane Sawyer looking at eye cream, but who really caught my eye was Miss Paula Abdul.

Tiny even in sky high Jimmy Choo pumps, Miss Abdul looked amazing - and the only celebrity the cameras and paparazzi were going crazy for. I noticed Paula was carrying a bottle in her hand - she was hawking her new fragrance soon to be sold on Home Shopping Network. I smiled at her and Miss Forever Your Girl waltzed over and made me smell her chest.

That's what I love about living on the island of Manhattan; you can wake up to a mundane day and end up with your nose in Paula Abdul's chest.

THE REAL TRUTH

Here is lady Madonna sans photoshop.

Shocking, isn't it?

COLD IN THE CITY

In my many years on the island of Manhattan, I have never felt such cold.

Oh, sure it's colder in places like Minnesota, but in Manhattan we actually walk in the cold. I am praying for an early spring.

RECESSION??

You know, today I popped into a Starbucks for a quick soy latte and the line was 20 people deep. Excuse me, but I thought we were in a recession. Guess not at Starbucks.

FAITH

I found it odd that Faith Hill sang at one of Obama's balls - I mean, didn't she support old daddy McCain?

But I will give Faith credit - she looked amazing! I mean, she's discovered the power of tox and Juvederm.

ANN IS AT IT AGAIN

I just want to know who buys her books. I mean, she's such a cunt.

SHOPPING

Wow - interest rates are below 5 percent - and prices on Manhattan apartments are dropping. I'm thinking of leaving my rent stabilized East Village nest to see what I can afford in the concrete jungle.

Maybe I will be a grown up after all.

NOW THE OPPOSITE

Now poor Miss Teri Hatcher looks like she needs some work. Feast or famine in Hollywood.

WHAT HAS SHE DONE?

Now we all know that I LOVE me some P.S. - that's plastic surgery. But Miss Lisa Rhinna has just gone overboard with the cheeks and the lips - too much Juvederm is my guess. Girl, lay off the syringe.

TYRANT TRANNY

This past summer, I tried to steal this tranny's man at Nowhere Bar. Of course, I was high as a kite on Black Bitches (vodka and Diet Coke). When she got word of my antics, she shot me a look of death - and I ran like hell from the bar.

What was I thinking?

This is one mean looking bitch.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

I found this online - it's fab!

BACK IN NYC

Thank heaven I am back in the land of the living.

Two weeks in Minneapolis almost turned me into a neutered breeder with a pot belly.

The big trend in freezing Minneapolis is to wear Khaki shorts all winter long. Why? I have no idea - it's just plain tacky.

As I waited for the L train today, a Jamacian man on the platform was strumming his guitar and singing a melody of Beatles' songs. As he launched into "Help", I tossed a dollar in his guitar case and thanked my lucky stars I live in the greatest city on earth.

CRAZY

I just heard on CNN that George Bush Sr. is pushing his son Jeb for president 2012. I mean, it looks to me that old daddy Bush is going senile.

MUSLIM MINNESOTA

Yup, I'm still in Minnesota.

I was driving in Northeast Minneapolis today and came upon a huge group of Muslims protesting Israel's raid on the Gaza Strip. I mean, what idiots.

I learned long ago that you can't talk or rationalize with a Muslim. I mean, watch any news channel and witness Muslim after Muslim condemning Israel for "attacking" them while painting themselves as saints. Excuse me, but if the Muslims would leave Israel alone, all would be fine.

What is Israel supposed to do? Just sit there and let the Muslims bomb the shit out of them? The Muslim population supports Hamas - and Hamas is a terrorist group. If the Muslims wanted peace, they would kick Hamas out of their country.

STILL IN MINNEAPOLIS

A few thoughts.

You know, it seems everyone I meet in Minneapolis is in a coma.

I mean, does anyone have any fun here?

Oh, don't get me wrong, I see plenty of under 25-year-olds having a good time, but God forbid if you are post 25 and want more out of life than screaming kids and Khaki pleated trousers.

What I love about New York City is folks of all ages are hip, trendy and cool.

I HATE MINNEAPOLIS

Why do people live in Minneapolis?

It baffles me to no end why anyone would choose to live in a place that freezes over for 8 month of the year. I mean, good luck wearing a pair of fab shoes when it's 20 degrees below zero and there are piles and piles of gross brown snow everywhere. Perhaps this is why everyone I meet in the state of Minnesota is fat, tacky, bored, sexless and unhappy.

As I drove around this horrible place snarled with urban sprawl and huge traffic jams, it occured to me that Minneapolis has all of the hassles of a major city - LA, NYC or San Fran - but none of the benefits such as nice weather, good restaurants, cool people or culture.

Again, why do people live here?

SEXUALLY SPEAKING

Recently, I was sitting around with pals at a coffee shop in the East Village talking about sex.

Yes, what else is new.

We were discussing some of the odd lengths we go to to find the perfect orgasm on the ultimate island of lost souls.

Everyone agreed that I had the best story: I travel all the way up to Harlem to have so-so sex with a so-so man because he always plays the most amazing music.

Let me explain:

This man is a DJ with the best collection of early to mid- 1970s black disco - you know, the stuff that Larry Levin played at the infamous Garage on Varick Street. I mean, none of that cheesy pop disco like YMCA or Ring My Bell, this is disco soul with a beat to fuck to. Unfortunately, this man's sex beat is rather boring and predictable, but I get to groove along to some of the best music in the world.

One of my friends commented that I could move on if I just asked him to burn me a few CDs - now that is something worth thinking about.

PISSED OFF

I don't think I made a mistake in Obama, but I sure am pissed off.

Why did Obama choose Pastor Rick Warren to speak at his inauguration?

I mean, this man is against gay rights and spearheaded the campaign to ban gay marriage in California - not to mention that he is a crazy Christan fundamentalist. I thought Obama was against mixing church and state...so why is he courting the fundamentalists?

I don't get it - and I - and many liberals - are pissed off.

THE BIG FAG IN ME

Last night a friend and I did the gayest thing possible - we went and saw Liza Minnelli perform at the legendary Palace Theater on the Great White Way that is broadway.  

The place was packed to the rafters with old fags and old Jews - and Liza put on a hell-of-show. 

 I loved it - it was something that could only happen in New York City.

I also loved being the youngest person in the room.

IS IT JUST ME?

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FOOD PLEASE?

You know, I was on the train today and some fatty was begging for dollars to buy a meal.  I'm sorry, but if you weigh 200 pounds and are sporting new Nike Trainers, I don't think you need my money.  But of course, I saw the fatty make over $5 from my car - who would be that dumb?

MISTER MAKEUP IN HEAVEN

This past week I have been in heaven - I am in St. Maartin working on a wedding - housed in my own private seaside villa.

Check out www.lasamanna.com

40?

I went to a screening of this God awful movie tonight - dreadful. I mean, it's a total copy of "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". And honey, Heather Locklear is no Angela Basset.

And isn't Heather Locklear like 60? It should be called flirting with 60....with Botox.

STOP THEM!

I've said it before on this blog, and I'll say it again - I don't like Muslims.

I mean, what kind of religion preaches such hatred that grown men pick up guns and grenades and kill innocent people?

Of course, I'm talking about the carnage that occurred in India over the past several days.

Something has to be done worldwide to stop this religion.

I LOVE THIS!

MISTER MAKEUP RIDES AGAIN

MORE TIPS FROM MY BUDDY MISTER MAKEUP - CHECK HIM OUT AT www.celebrityeverything.com

NO DICE

What is wrong with this economy?

I mean, everyday the stock market gets lower and lower - more and more people lose their jobs and prices keep going higher and higher.

Are we seeing a new depression?

I think so. I predict it's going to get much worse.

PS - For those auto executives that want bailouts - next time try showing up in a commercial jet rather than a private one - kinda hard to believe that you really need the money when you live like kings.

PRINCE UNCHARMING

Prince has gone crazy.

After running around the world in heavy makeup, high heels and butt revealing chaps, not to mention fucking every puss in every port, he has found GOD. Yes, the tiny purple wonder is going door to door as a Jehovah's Witness. He is also preaching against sex and gay marriage.

You know what I call this: hypocrisy.

The old guy can no longer sell records or get the pussy he once got, so he's turned to this to get publicity.

Sad.

I LOVE THESE PICS!!

I have always wondered what was underneath those kilts.

Now I know.

SEX CHANGE HOSPITAL

This has to be the wackiest show on television.

The plot of this reality show is simple: trannies travel to Trinidad, Colorado for sex change operations.

Now half my friends are trannies, and I know "passing" isn't supposed to matter, but if you can't pass, I don't see the point. I mean, life is hard enough without being the man in a wig and lipstick on the A train.

Watch Sex Change Hospital on WE TV Tuesdays at 11 PM.

PROP 8

I've been getting emails asking me about my feelings on Prop. 8 in California that bans gay marriage.

Of course, it makes me furious.

What most people don't understand is that every civil right in America has come to light via "renegade" judges. I mean, do you really think rednecks in South Carolina would have welcomed black children in their schools in the 1960s without "renegade" judges or presidential intervention.

Hell, no.

Any civil right - black voting, school segregation, interracial marriage - would never have come to pass if it was put to a general vote.

That said, I'm also furious with the black community who voted by 70% to ban gay marriage. I mean, the black community would still be in the fields if it wasn't for "renegade" judges and presidents that used their executive powers to give them equal rights - the black community should know better.

THE DAY AFTER

Wow - what am I going to write about now?

After so many months of dumping on Sarah Palin and old daddy McCain, I'm at a loss for words.

But I will say I find it hilarious that Fox News pundits are acting like old daddy McCain barely lost. Excuse me, Obama whipped old daddy McCain's ass in the Electoral College by 364 to 163 - that's a huge win. Furthermore, Obama turned nine red states blue - with Indiana and Virginia going Democratic for the first time since 1964!

Now that's change.

VICTORY!!!!!

I knew the night was going Obama's way when CNN announced Oprah was on her way to Grant Park in Chicago.

Let me explain:

I was too nervous to sit in my apartment, or to go to an election party, so like any good gay boy, I went to the gym. On a stationary bike at Crunch Fitness, I watched and listened as history unfolded. When CNN put Ohio in Obama's column, the gym crowd burst into applause. My eyes began to tear up and I knew at that moment Obama was going to win.

I chuckled when CNN cut to old daddy McCain's election headquarters in Ohio - old white people at banquet tables with grim expressions on their wrinkled faces. But you know, that about sums up the Republican party of 2008: old white folks with highballs at banquet tables.

As I walked back to my East Village apartment, the populace had taken to the streets with cheers and chants of Obama, Obama, Obama.

Yes, the times are a changing - and not a moment too soon.

I VOTED

Well, to he honest, I voted by absentee several weeks ago.

My fingers are crossed.

Change is coming...I just hope it's the right one.

OBAMA

GETTING DOWN TO BASICS

If you want a tax cut, vote for the Obama ticket.

If you want a tax cut for the top 5%, vote for the old daddy McCain/Bush ticket.

Simple as that.

POOR OLD DADDY McCAIN

Good Lord, poor old daddy McCain is really desperate.

Do we really want a president that will do any dispicable thing to win?

Now old daddy McCain's campaign is trying peg Obama as a Jew hater - as well as a pal of terrorists and a socialist and a Marxist.

What's next?

I'm surprised old daddy McCain hasn't labeled him the 666 bearing Anti-Christ.

WWW.TAXCUTFACTS.COM

For anyone still on the fence, please go to www.taxcutfacts.org and see for yourself if Obama's tax plan will help you.

WHO'S ON THE REPUBLICAN TICKET?

I'm just curious, is old daddy McCain running for president or is it Joe the Plumber?

ANOTHER GREAT AD

VOTE NO TO SARAH PALIN

BAD FASHION

OMG - has anyone noticed now that Sarah Palin is wearing her own clothes again, she looks like shit.

STUPID SARAH PALIN

I mean, how dumb can these people that attend Republican rallies be?

Now Sarah Palin is screaming from the pulpit that Obama will "punish hard work" by increasing taxes.

Now, my dear Escada and Dolce donned lady , we all know that Obama has stated time and time again that 95% of the folks will be getting a tax break - only if you are making $250,000 or more per year will your taxes go up. What you are trying to do is scare stupid people - that will never in their wildest dreams make $250,000 per year - into thinking that their taxes will be raised if they work hard and make more money. As Joe the plumber found out himself, he would indeed save money on the Obama tax plan.

In other words, the Republicans are doing what they do best - patting the rednecks on the back with pledges of religion, pro-life and death to fags while stealing from their back pockets.

I LOVE THIS PIC - DANCING WITH THE STARS 09

MAKEUP FOR THE PIG

I am painting the wrong pigs.

Word is out that Sarah Palin's traveling makeup artist is the highest paid staffer on the old daddy McCain team - she made over $22,000 for two weeks work. I guess, it takes a lot of paint to turn the pig's ear into a silk purse.

Once again, Sarah the soccer mom proves that she has nothing in common with Joe the plumber.

VOTER TESTING

You know, this might make me sound like an East Coast elitist, but I think you should have to take an "issues" test to be allowed to vote. I mean, there are so many idiots that vote for a hairstyle, a suit or the color of skin that I think a short and simple test to demonstrate that you know the issues is a dandy idea.

PALIN AND THE PLUMBER

You know, according to 2007 tax records, Sarah Palin and her husband reported an income of $250,000 - that's a quarter of a million dollars! Also, news leaked out that the Republicans spent over $150, 000 on fancy clothes for Palin and her family.

I ask you: what the hell does she have in common with Joe the plumber?

I mean, she's running around the country with her winks and her "you betcha's" preaching about the perils of the working man....well, coupled with old daddy McCain's 7 houses and his $10 million dollar wife, I don't think the McCain/Palin ticket has anything in common with Joe the plumber whatsoever.

ANOTHER PALIN BLUNDER

Oh, honey, yet another reason not to vote for old daddy McCain. I mean, Sarah Palin doesn't even know the job description of a vice president. A complete idiot.

REDNECK NATION

You know what really pisses me off?

Stupid Sarah Palin talking down to Americans in her stump speeches.

I was watching CNN tonight and there she was with her winks and her "you betcha's" telling her supporters that unlike eloquent Obama, she and old daddy McCain talk the talk of the people.

I mean, don't redneck Republicans get that she's talking down to them?

ANN, WHERE ARE YA?

Has anyone else been wondering where Ann "cunt" Coulter has been hiding?

The blonde Republican mouthpiece has apparently been muzzled for this election.

I mean, wasn't she the original pit bull in lipstick?

SARAH'S PLACE IN HELL

Watch this my darlings.

JOE THE PLUMBER?

Poor old daddy McCain.

At the debate he went on and on about "Joe the Plumber" - his epitome of the American man.

Well, it turns out old daddy McCain didn't do a very good job of checking "Joe" out.

"Joe", as it turns out, does not have a plumber's license. "Joe" also owes back taxes and is prone to making racist and redneck comments.

Oh, yeah, "Joe" also admitted today that Obama's tax plan would save him money - not old daddy McCain's tax plan.

WONDER WOMAN: BE VERY AFRAID OF SARAH PALIN

Lynda Carter, who played Wonder Woman on television in the 1970s, slammed Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin as the "anti-Wonder Woman."

Carter made her remarks in response to a question from Philadelphia Magazine about comparisons between Wonder Woman and Gov. Palin (Alaska), the GOP's first veep nominee.

"She’s judgmental and dictatorial, telling people how they’ve got to live their lives," Carter added. "And a superior religious self-righteousness … that’s just not what Wonder Woman is about. Hillary Clinton is a lot more like Wonder Woman than Mrs. Palin. She did it all, didn’t she?"

Carter said that it was "anti-American" to try to force religious views on others.

"I like John McCain," Carter said. "But this woman — it's anathema to me what she stands for. I think America should be very afraid. Very afraid. Separation of church and state is the one thing the creators of the Constitution did agree on — that it wasn’t to be a religious government. People should feel free to speak their minds about religion but not dictate it or put it into law."

I always loved Wonder Woman, now i love her more.

MORE POLITICS

Why does old daddy McCain keep ranting and ranting in his stump speeches that the Democrats with Obama at the helm are going to be be big spenders.

I mean, didn't Democrat Bill Clinton pay off old daddy Bush's deficit and balance the budget and leave sonny boy Bush with a surplus?

What do we have now?

A trillion dollar debt courtesy of the Republicans.

Doesn't make sense does it?

And why does Sarah Palin keep ranting that Obama doesn't want America to win the war in Iraq?

What does that mean?

I mean, how do we know if we won? Do we win when all the Iraqis are dead?

She's one stupid bitch.

1980'S CHARM

I love this video. Teenage tranny that I was, I danced in the mirror with a hairbrush many times to this song.

UNCLE TOM'S CABIN

I couldn't believe it.

Let me explain:

I was working today with an African-American mother and daughter; and being the loud New Yorker that I am, I chatted nonstop about politics and the race for the White House. Of course, I thought I was with "family", so I sang my praises for Obama - but my choir wasn't singing back.

Hmmm....I thought - something's not right here - I better shut up and just paint this puss and be done with it. Later I learned that mother and daughter were both old daddy McCain supporters.

I mean, they were both very nice, but do they live in Uncle Tom's cabin? Don't they know that old daddy McCain voted against a national Martin Luther King holiday? Not to mention that the majority of southern Republicans believe that the Civil War was a just war.

I don't get it.

OLD DADDY McCAIN IS THE TERRORIST

Damn, I hate Republicans - I really, really , really HATE them.

Now that old daddy McCain is sinking like a brick in the polls, he's getting crazy - or is he senile?

I mean, rather than talk about the economy or health care, all he and Sarah - Bush in a dress - Palin can talk about is Bill Ayers.

I mean, get real, I lived in Chicago for several years and Bill Ayers was known as a thoughtful and intelligent social liberal - not a terrorist. To somehow tie Obama via his middle name and Bill Ayers is a scare tactic that has nothing whatsoever to do with the issues facing Americans.

Please vote Obama.

HONOR?

Last night at the debate, old daddy McCain really made my blood boil.

One comment in particular:

"Obama would have brought our troops home in defeat,” McCain said. “I will bring them home with victory and honor.”

So what does that mean?

I guess the body bags have to keep piling up to satisfy old daddy McCain's bizarre sense of honor?

I mean, did he learn anything while stuffed in a cage in Vietnam? War is not the answer - and you can't force democracy on foreign nations. Iraq - like Vietnam - is a war we never should have started - and like Vietnam, we will never win.

I say bring the boys home now - that is honor.

A MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN

Bush's approval rating is at 26%

Do we really need four more years of Bush - a vote for old daddy McCain will do just that.

PS - I think these two are headed to California to get hitched.

PPS - When Bill Clinton left office, his approval rating was a whopping 68% - the highest ever recorded since polls began 70 years ago.

THE DEBATE

I watched the VP debate last night with much sadness.

Why?

Because the whole thing was dumbed down to accommodate village idiot Sarah Palin. I mean, the bar was set so low, she only had to show up to win points.

Does Sarah Palin win just because she didn't fuck up?

Is it okay to dumb things down to appear nice?

Is this what America has come to?

I mean, one of these candidates could easily become the leader of the free world. Shouldn't we remove the gloves and put "niceness" on hold and ask serious questions? I mean, it was sad that Joe Biden couldn't rip her a new asshole with her inept and staged answers because of the risk that he would appear "mean" and "sexist".

Listening to Sarah Palin's dumb "you betcha" dialogue while avoiding serious questions was sickening.

America deserves better.

REDNECK NATION

You know, why is it that the states (red) that old daddy McCain has claimed as his own, are such redneck states? I mean, most of those red states have the lowest percentage of college graduates, museums, art, culture etc... and most are incredibly racist.

I think this says alot about Republicans.

MAIN STREET

Okay, I admit I don't quite understand this bailout thing - but I do understand that if Wall Street fails, so does Main Street USA.

I know many Americans want the Fat Cats of Wall Street to suffer their own fate, but if they fall, so will the rest of us - and hard.

Suze Orman - who I love even though she ignored me when I said hello to her on 13th street last year - said on CNN that no matter what happens, the USA economy will not get back on track until 2015.

I guess I will have to keep painting pusses until I keel over.

SEEING IS BELIEVING

Darlings, this is too scary to be true - but it is.

SNL

PALIN IN '08

DODGE THAT BULLET

WAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

The race is close.

I am begging all undecided voters to really look at what a vote for old daddy McCain would mean. My degree is in journalism, which means I have numerous schoolmates working the media beat in DC, and word on the street is that old daddy McCain has one foot in the grave.

What does that mean besides a state funeral?

Sarah - "I shoot wolves from helicopters" - Palin as President of the United States - that's what it means!

This is a woman who believes that looking at Russia from her front door qualifies her as a foreign policy expert. 

This is a woman who named her kids Track and Trig - I'm sure the next one will be named Budweiser. 

Even Laura - "My glazed look is from huge amounts of Valium" - Bush has told reporters that Palin lacks foreign policy experience - "but she's a quick learn."

Is this who we really want for president?

Let's all dodge a bullet and vote for Obama.

COFFEE TIME IN IBIZA

Why is it so hard to find a decent cup of coffee in America?

Every time I return from Europe I ask myself the same question.

In Europe, there is no such thing as a "pot" of coffee - it simply doesn't exist in Europe. If you want a coffee, the beans are ground, brewed and served for each individual customer - and it's heaven. I mean, I love a yummy Cafe Con Leche - and you can get it for the price of a single cup of Starbucks "pot" coffee.

Why can't America get it's caffeine this way?

2000 FAGS ON A BOAT 2008

Enough politics for this week.

I recently returned from my big gay cruise 2008. Yes, 2000 fags sailed from London to Barcelona with stops in Paris, Bilbao, Spain, Lisbon, Portugal, La Coruna, Spain, Cadiz, Spain and the party island of Ibiza.

The boat departed from Harwich, England - about two hours up the coast from London. We stayed in London for a few days at the urban lodge Hoxon Hotel - www.hoxtonhotels.com - in London's new hip area Shoreditch, which is often compared to my East Village neighborhood in NYC - bars, restaurants and art galleries on every corner.

Late one night we went to a club called Pop Stars, which was packed with skinny trendy gay boys in skinny trousers and skinny ties- and I do mean boys, because I don't think anyone was over the age of 17. I mean, I have never felt so old or so fat in my life, but the music was loud and Kylie-oriented....I drank way too much alcohol infused apple cider and danced until 5 AM. We left dripping with sweat and soon stuffed our faces with greasy fish and chip platters. Since the Underground (subway) closes at 12 AM, and cabs were nowhere to be found, we had to hike to Trafalgar Square to catch a night bus. Believe me, sitting on top of a big red double-decker bus with the streets pretty much deserted made for a wonderful and magical ride back to the hotel.

Other highlights included a visit to the V&A museum to see the Diana Ross and the Supremes Gowns exhibit, which was fabulous as well as fagulous. Also, the bizarre Harrods’s tribute to Princess Diana and Dodi Al-Fayed is a must see. Located next to the escalators - his father owns Harrods’s - the tribute is both morbid and camp.

PALIN THE NAZI BOOK BANNER

THE DEVIL IN A BEE HIVE

Does anyone else thinks Sarah Palin looks like a serial killer?

CHANGE

This is what the Gallop Poll found out about old daddy McCain's supporters:

For Obama’s Voters, It’s Change; for McCain’s, Experience
September 16, 2008
Despite John McCain’s recent efforts to adopt a “change” positioning, only 3% of his supporters volunteer that they are voting for the Republican nominee because of his ability to bring about change, compared to 37% of Obama supporters.

I guess old daddy McCain's supporters love that the economy is in the worst recession/depression since 1931 - and they don't want a change. God, I hate Republicans - stupid fools every one of them.

The biggest fool of them all is grease bucket Donald Trump who endorsed old daddy McCain last night on Larry King. Of course, he was spouting all the lies of the McCain campaign that Obama will raise taxes...Larry King stopped him cold and said Obama would only raise taxes for the rich. Trump went on to say that the rich deserved the tax cuts because they produce jobs...hmmm, if that's true, then with the Bush tax cuts for the rich intact, why are we in a recession? Honey, the trickle down theory never worked for Reagan and it's not working for Bush.

CHILDREN

Everyone knows I don't like children.

And I really don't like children that scream and have meltdowns in public areas - no, I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Parent, I don't find your child's screams and tantrums funny or cute, nor do I think your child is the smartest thing since Albert Einstein.

Funny thing is, I just got back from three weeks in Europe where I didn't witness a single child scream or have a meltdown.

Why is that?

The children in Europe are well-behaved -and the parents seem to genuinely love and enjoy them, which in my opinion, makes for a child who doesn't scream or have meltdowns. So many parents in America seem to have children out of boredom or out of loneliness or out of laziness - not good reasons to have a child. Also, parents in America seem to be on a never ending circle of play dates, hockey practice, ballet recitals... so much activity that the kids are not only exhausted, but feel deprived of their parent's attention and love.

Just my opinion.

DEPEND ON OLD DADDY McCAIN

I just can't believe that old daddy McCain is now ahead in the polls. I mean, who the hell wants four more years of Bush and Republican rule? It baffles the mind.

OFF THE BOAT

I am off the big fag love boat and sightseeing and clubbing in Barcelona. It is sad to leave the boat and fend for myself. We sailed from London to Paris to Lisbon and many ports in Spain - check back for more stories.

A NOTE FROM SPAIN

I am in Cadiz, Spain, but I have to weigh in on old daddy McCain´s choice of running mate.

Is he crazy? Is he senile?

Miss Sarah has been on the city council of a tiny town, a mayor of a dinky town and the Governor of a small state - and now she is capable of running the greatest nation on earth if old daddy McCain kicks the bucket?

I don´t think so. I mean, Helen Keller could do a better job.

Furthermore, don´t you love that she protested and vetoed school sex education with the claim that it should be taught at home...and she ends up with a teenage pregnant bimbo daughter. Uh, Sarah, you ain´t doing a very good job at home teaching your kids about sex.

Once again, Republican hypocrisy in action.

LONDON CALLING

Here is what I've learned about London thus far:

1) BRING LOTS OF POWDER - Brits do not embrace air conditioning like their brothers and sisters across the pond, thus, even the most cleverly applied concealer is doomed to failure.

2) THE ROCK AND ROLL T-SHIT LOOK FOR MEN IS OVER - AND I MEAN OVER - Brits are wearing slim-fitted cowboy shirts (solids and plaids) with skinny jeans and skinny ties - very Justin "sexy back" Timberlake. Keep in mind most male Brits are built like Nicole Richie, so buyer beware - even I had to buy shirts labeled large. I mean, on 18th street in Chelsea I'm a waif, but in the east end of London, I'm a pumped out muscle boy. Who knew?

3)THE LONDON TUBE (SUBWAY) IS AMAZING AND HORRIBLE AT THE SAME TIME - I love that the tube - unlike NYC - runs every 2 minutes and criss crosses the city rather than just up and down - ths makes life so much easier. The downside: The cars are tiny with no air conditioning and the tube stops running at 12 midnight.

4) THE EXCHANGE RATE IS HORRIBLE - I am buying very little here - the exchange rate is 2 to 1 in favor of the Brits. I mean, everything is double of what you would pay for a similar item in America.

5) DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES GOWN COLLECTION AT THE V&A MUSEUM - This exhibit is a dream come true for any music lover - or a music lover that is a big fag. This collection - put together by former Supreme Mary Wilson and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame - showcases the rise of the girl group via music, video screened interviews, album covers and gowns. A must see.

6) I LOVE A BRITISH ACCENT - I've said it before, and I'll say it again, men are just sexier with an accent.

LONDON

Well, I couldn't wait to post. I am in the east end of London at the fabulous Hoxton Hotel. www.hoxtonhotels.com. The east end of London is very similar to the trendy lower east side of Manhattan - lots of hipsters and skinny minnies. I love it. I board the boat in Harwich on Saturday.

VACATION - 2000 FAGS ON A BOAT

Hello everyone - I am leaving today for my summer vacation. I am once again taking a big gay cruise to Europe. I will be posting about my shenanigins when I return in mid-September.

ROAD TRIP

I had a great shoot up by the Canadian border this week – beautiful country. I was offered the opportunity to fly or rent a car…I chose road trip. And boy, am I glad I did – the crew got stuck sleeping at the airport due to weather while I zoomed home through the Catskill Mountains via four wheels and a hefty dose of Starbucks.

I made my usual stops along the way – Target, Costco and various outlet malls, but this road trip I found something new. Coasting along Route 81 slurping a cherry Dairy Queen Mister Misty, I saw a huge billboard that advertised…ADULT OUTLET – TRUCKERS WELCOME. Well, you know I had to check it out.

Located a few blocks off the highway, Adult Outlet was a huge bunker of a buiding surrounded by a gravel pit. A sign on the door read…Everyone Leaves Happy. I swear, I am not making this up.

Once inside, I thought I was at a bear convention – I have never seen so many overweight men in my life. I mean, Louie Anderson would be the thin pretty one here. In the back was a “video room” where men leaving were adjusting their zippers as well as their wedding rings. Amidst all of the married men were dildos, blowup dolls, lube and other assorted sex toys for sale. I wondered as I left…Who buys this stuff on the interstate – and when do they get the chance to use it?

As I was getting into my rental car, a hefty trucker strode up to me:

“You know, you would look mighty fine in a long blonde wig.”

I wasn’t at all shocked by his comment. I mean, it wasn’t the first time I’d been told that – although it’s usually a red wig.

I noticed he was carrying one of those keychains with picture charms – his photos were of a chunky brunette woman and three chubby kids eating Eskimo Pies. I guess he needed a blonde moment – don’t we all?

“You wouldn’t happen to have a wig in the car?”

I told him in an extremely nice way I wasn’t interested and drove off on my journey. The odd thing was, I did have a blonde wig packed in my makeup/hair bag.

MINNESOTA STYLE

You can't make this shit up.

Below is an actual article from the leading Minnesota newspaper.

Yes, Minnesota style at it's finest.

You go, Libby.


Style star: Libby Benda, from Highland Park, St. Paul.

Spotted at: Hennepin and Lake.

This Uptown intersection is the easiest place in town to find a fashion plate -- at any given moment, even on a Sunday night. That's where Benda was after having dinner with friends at Chino Latino last weekend. While she doesn't begin studying at St. Thomas until fall, her shopping skills are clearly already at the college level: This yellow and black dress is from Forever 21, the shoes are from Charlotte Russe and the shoulder bag is from the Fun Sisters Boutique.

SARA GLASSMAN

NO MORE MANHUNT.NET

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MISTER MAKEUP

Hey - My buddy Mister Makeup has a new column up - take a peek at www.celebrityeverything.com.

A CLOSE ONE

Boy, did we dodge a bullet.

I'm talking about John Edwards and his wayward penis.

I mean, what was he thinking? In this youtube era, did he really think he wouldn't be caught? And why did he pick a middle-aged bottle blonde to cheat with? If you're gonna risk it all, at least pull a Gary Hart and fuck a big tittied whore like Donna Rice.

All I can say is, Obama, keep it in your pants.

TAKING OUT THE LONG ISLAND TRASH

I love Anderson Cooper.

“Living Lohan is just atrocious,” said Anderson, who branded the showbusiness family “horrific.”

“I cannot believe I’m wasting a minute of my life watching these horrific people,” Anderson retorted.

Even young Ali Lohan wasn’t safe from one of Andy’s quips:

“[Ali] is a 14-year-old girl, looks to be about 60. She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort, striptease person, I don’t know.”

I mean.in all fairness though, Ali does look like a 40-year-old soccer mom.

Family matriarch Dina Lohan has hit back, saying, “People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him.”

You, go Anderson.

MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS

I couldn’t sleep last night. Maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the sticky heat, or maybe it was because my mind wouldn’t shut up. I needed to have a drink. I got dressed and left the apartment. I didn’t shower – I planned on getting dirty where I was headed.

In a dark bar on Avenue B, the city that never sleeps was wide-awake at 3 am. The vodka/ diet Coke tasted divine, but I knew the slightly drunk man next to me that smelled of whiskey and cigarettes would taste even better. I barely smiled at him and we were in a corner making out. He had a deep foreign accent and wore a shark’s tooth on a leather cord around his neck. He was sexy and strong, and he had muscles in a manly way – not a Chelsea way. And yeah, he kissed me like he meant business.

I didn’t take him home. Something about him scared me. I told him I had to meet a friend and I left the bar. I went home and slept like a baby.

It’s been a rough week. Saturday was the sixth anniversary of my husband’s death. On that same day, I received two rejection notices from apartments I had applied for. Before the clock struck Midnight, a business partner announced he no longer wanted to work with me. The next morning, I went downstairs and someone had stolen the two tires off my bicycle – the only night I had forgotten to chain the tires.

I played Joni Mitchell's "Blue" CD the entire afternoon.

Is it no wonder I can’t sleep?

SAY NO TO WALMART

I found this tidbit in the news today.

"WalMart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer, denied a report Friday that it had pressured employees to vote against Democrats in November because of worries that a bill the party supports would make it easier for workers to unionize.


The measure, called the Employee Free Choice Act, would allow labor organizations to unionize workplaces without secret ballot elections. It was co-sponsored by Barack Obama, the presumed Democratic presidential candidate, and opposed by John McCain, the presumed Republican nominee."

Oh, please, WalMart is one big Republican franchise.

Please do not shop at WalMart.

MINNEAPOLIS

You know, this fat thing is getting out of hand.

Let me explain:

I was in Minneapolis this past week and I was shocked at how many more fat people I saw. Now Minnesota is well known as the land of 10,000 fatties, but this trip the mirth and girth was out of control. I mean, everywhere I went I saw fatties so fat they had to use scooters, walkers or wheelchairs to maneuver about.

I'm sorry, but if you're so fat that you can't even walk on your own, it's time to put down the fork.

MANHATTAN MOMENTS

The glorious thing about Manhattan is that you never know how your day is going to end up. I mean, the possibilities are endless.

Let me explain:

I woke up hung over – last night my friend took me to an advance screening of Mamma Mia, which is not only fabulous, it’s fagulous. The after party was at some smarmy, but chic lounge on the lower east side. More importantly, the drinks and food were free. Since the economy is in the toilet, and pennies are tight, I decided to drink up. At 3 am, I walked – or stumbled – up Avenue A to my apartment. The entire evening: $4.

I had planned to spend the day in bed watching reruns of Project Runway when the phone rang.

It was the Israeli.

He wanted to come over for a visit.

I looked in the mirror.

Not pretty.

Give me an hour, I said as I reached for the concealer.

After a quick 90-minute love session, the Israeli was out the door.

As I lounged like a kitten in our sex sheets, the phone rang. It was Ken, an elderly South African diplomat that I had not heard from in months. He needed a date to a dinner party. With Ken, I never spend a dime, and so what if payment is his wrinkly hand giving me a hand job at evening’s end.

I tossed on a slim black t-shirt with some Prada pants and accessorized myself with a drum of Ivory Bisque concealer. Ken took me to an amazing dinner party at the United Nations. He kept commenting on my glowing skin - I did not tell him 45 minutes earlier I had been rolling in the hay. The other diners included various Broadway producers, diplomats and bankers - all very interesting. One savvy woman whispered to me on the balcony – “I know you look young, but I can tell by your conversation that you’re much older.” She winked at me and smiled.

Back at Ken’s Tudor City apartment, he served me a big glass of champagne. I saw him reach for the Kiehl's Extra Creamy hand lotion and I knew it was time to pay my bill. I leaned back in his authentic Barcelona chair and marveled at his spectacular view of the Chrysler Building. I fantasized about the Israeli and my payment came very quick.

MUSLIMS

This is why it is so fucked up to insinuate Obama is a Muslim...because the majority of Muslims are insane.

Oh, I sound a bit harsh? You bet.

Take what happened today in the middle east: Israel exchanged a killer that murdered numerous people - including a child and her father -for the bodies of two slain servicemen.

What do the crazy Muslims do in Lebanon? They throw a party in honor of the murderer and proclaim him a national hero.

That honey, is how fucked up Muslims are.

NASTY POLITICS

The current New Yorker Magazine cover is disgusting. I mean, does anyone other than a Republican think this is funny?

Mark my words, the Republicans play dirty, and they will be pushing the Muslim envelope big time as the race heats up. Much like Bush cronies did in the 2000 Republican primaries (making phone calls to Republicans insinuating that old daddy McCain had a black child), McCain cronies will be making similar phone calls to Democrats insinuating Obama is a Muslim.

Let's hope Obama doesn't get sunk by this swift boat.

PANDERING TO THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT

McCain’s extremist opposition to gay adoption is not only stupid, but lacks scientific backing.

In a revealing interview with the New York Times, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) — an adoptive parent himself — declared that he opposed the right of gay couples to adopt children, even if it meant leaving children in orphanages:

Q: President Bush believes that gay couples should not be permitted to adopt children. Do you agree with that?

Mr. McCain: I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no I don’t believe in gay adoption.

Q: Even if the alternative is the kid staying in an orphanage, or not having parents.

Mr. McCain: I encourage adoption and I encourage the opportunities for people to adopt children I encourage the process being less complicated so they can adopt as quickly as possible. And Cindy and I are proud of being adoptive parents.

Q: But your concern would be that the couple should a traditional couple —

Mr. McCain: Yes.

So old daddy McCain would rather see children waste away in orphanages and foster care than be adopted by loving parents - even after study after study confirms that children raised with gay parents are NO different than those raised with straight parents.

What an asshole.

DIGITAL DIET

Is this really Jennifer Hudson?

Either she is about to check into the anorexia wing of the Nicole Richie Hospital , or this picture has been photoshopped to death.

I mean, thin is always "in", but I kinda liked Miss Effie White big-boned.

HEART ATTACK

I'm having a Heart moment.

I hated these girls in the 1980's, but lately, their sappy metal power ballads - "Alone", "What About Love" and "These Dreams" - are making me smile. I also adore watching their dreadful videos on youtube. I mean, was their wardrobe, hair and makeup team on crack? I've never seen so much eyeliner, purple hair, leopard print and lace outfits in my entire life - not even in a Cher video!

I also love how the director is forever trying to shield the obesity of lead singer Ann Wilson. In one video, she was only seen in a cropped - no chins - face shot in a video screen next to the stage. In another video, a wide-angle lens is used to stretch her body; and in yet another attempt, the hairstylist glued her long hair extensions to her chubby cheeks to minimize the width of her wide face. If all else failed, the director would blur her out with artful dark lighting or use a body double. And if the group was ever shown on stage, it was from far, far away and Ann was dressed in a head-to-toe black coat.

Of course, Ann's vocally challenged - but thin and blond - sister, is all over the videos in skimpy outfits pretending to sing.

I've read that the sisters' hated making these videos - and I don't blame them, but they are my new guilty pleasures.

COFFEE BREAK

You know, I need to stay out of Starbucks.

Let me explain:

I don't understand why a person would wait 10 minutes in a line of 20 people and not have your order ready and your money out. Today, some twat in front of me stood for 10 minutes, and when it was her turn to order, didn't know what she wanted....furthermore, she had to fiddle around in her obvious fake Coach bag for her money.

Well, I had had enough.

"Don't you think you could have figured all this out while you waited 10 minutes in the line - you are making everyone wait."

She looked at me with evil in her Jersey eyes ..."I don't think it's any of your business."

Thank goodness for New Yorkers...three people behind me screamed at her to hurry the hell up.

As she picked up her coffee, a black woman yelled at her...."And you ain't fooling anyone with that fake Coach bag either."

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.

ROT IN HELL

The wicked witch of the south is dead. I hope the munchkins are singing and dancing – because I certainly am.

Patron saint of hate, Jesse Helms, passed away on July 4th and I couldn’t be happier.

This man proudly proclaimed himself a bigot of both blacks and gays and fought against their civil rights his entire life. What’s frightening is this man spewed his hate while he was a United States Senator for over 25 years!!

Here are a few direct quotes from him and examples of his handiwork:

"The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights."

The University of North Carolina was "the University of Negroes and Communists."

"There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."

Homosexuality is "degenerate," and homosexuals "weak, morally sick wretches."

In 1993 sang "Dixie" in an elevator to Carol Moseley-Braun, the first African-American woman elected to the Senate, bragging, "I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing Dixie until she cries."

More recently, when a caller to CNN's Larry King Live show praised guest Jesse Helms for "everything you've done to help keep down the niggers," Helms' response was to salute the camera and say, "Well, thank you, I think."

Helms would win election against black opponent Harvey Gantt with an ad playing to racist white fear-- the so-called "white hands" ad, in which a white man's hands crumple a rejected job application while a voiceover intones, "You needed that job…but they had to give it to a minority."

With his passing, it’s another nail in the coffin for “old white man” politics.

Rot in hell

GAY PRIDE

It was gay pride in Manhattan this past weekend.

I started the festivities at an awful party. John Cameron Mitchell - of Hedwig and Shortbus movie fame - was hosting a “Judy Garland” soirée in the West Village. I’ve never been a fan of Miss Judy – and I once painted her daughter Lorna Loft, who was quite nice until I mentioned her sister Liza, but hey, that’s another story. I love John, so I thought I might meet some interesting queens.

Boy, was I wrong.

The bar was filled with pretentious artist wannabees – the kind whom take themselves sooooooo fucking seriously. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a pretentious fag, but they must be a pretentious fag with a sense of drama and humor– these fags were dull as dirt. Furthermore, there wasn’t an attractive man in the bunch. I mean, I hate going somewhere where you don’t find anyone interesting or anyone you want to fuck – now that sucks.

Saturday I went to Nowhere Bar – my usual Saturday night hangout. My buddy is the DJ, so I Black Bitch it up for free. The theme was double-headed disco, and the place was packed. Of course, nights like this – gay holidays – bring out the nuts. As I danced to Cheryl Lynn’s Got To Be Real, I met Don – a 50-year-old lawyer. He was high as a kite on X, and had a slight odor of BO, but I was hungry for attention, so I let him buy me a drink. After that, he wouldn’t leave me alone. Okay, he kept telling me I looked 25 - and he gave me a twenty-dollar bill to kiss him on the cheek. And yes, I took the dough; I have Botox to pay for. I guess my friends are right: I am a whore.

On Sunday, I went to the parade to watch my Israeli march in the Pride Israel contingent – he was shirtless and looked hot. He waved at me while he carried his flag. Sappy for an old broad like me, but I blushed like an innocent schoolgirl. What can I say; I’m a sucker for a man with an accent. We made plans for the following night.

Now that, honey, is pride.